02/03/05: The day before yesterday, February 1st, my mom told me that her and my dad made the decision to put Libby to sleep. I was very upset about it, but apparently her condition kept getting worse and she was only surviving on the small amount of water she drank each day. It got to the point where she couldn’t even get up to eat or drink, so my parents would have to bring it to her. Every time she drank water she would have a lot of trouble and would start gagging, and as far as I know she hadn’t been eating anything. The few times she would try to get up she would be very disoriented and would practically almost fall over. She was losing so much weight that any time I tried to pet her, I could easily feel her backbone. When I picked her up I was amazed at how light she had become, it was incredibly sad.
I didn’t know what to do…I didn’t want to go home because I couldn’t stand to see her in that poor of shape, but I also didn’t want to come home to her not being there. It was hard because there were so many nights where either my parents or sister would say that Libby probably wouldn’t make it through the night, but then she would. I would be happy that she was still alive and just knowing that made me feel better. On the other hand, I knew my parents would want to put her to sleep the longer this whole thing went on, so in a way I wished that she would have gone peacefully in her sleep so we wouldn’t have to resort to taking her to the vet. My mom ended up calling the vet and he said the whole not eating and not going to the bathroom thing was really bad because it meant that her organs were not working properly, which would end up poisoning her.
So yesterday morning at about 8:40, Libby was put to sleep. Later that day my parents buried her in the backyard, and I was really upset that I couldn’t be there. The morning of her death was a strange feeling for me because for some reason I wasn’t all that upset. I had been crying every single night and sometime during the day for almost a week but when I woke up that morning, I didn’t really have any reaction. It was like it hadn’t sunk in yet or something. Since I was away at ISU, I didn’t actually see what was happening back home with Libby. I wasn’t there for any of it, so in a way I felt like I could just pretend it never happened. That’s how I got through some of my classes, but at the end of the day when there was nowhere to go, all I could do was sit around and think about Libby. I was upset that we had to put her to sleep and that I couldn’t be there with her. I just try to remember that there was nothing anyone could have done, she just wasn’t going to get any better, only worse. I really did pray to God that he would just take her soul in at night when she was sleeping because it would be easier to deal with if it happened that way. She was such a strong cat and kept hanging onto life.
Tomorrow is Friday, so I’m going home for the weekend. My sister is coming back so we can re-do the bad weekend we had. I really don’t even want to think about going home because it will be the first time in my entire life pretty much where I’ll walk in that door and Libby won’t be there. We’ve had her since I was about five years old. I still can’t get over the fact that a few weeks ago Libby was totally fine and now she’s gone. My mom thinks she may have had a stroke or something, and I think that is very possible because this all happened so fast. It’s like she was fine one day and then couldn’t walk the next day. If it happened gradually it would have been easier. It’s just hard with animals because you can’t always tell if something is wrong with them. We will never know what happened inside Libby’s body that made her go downhill so fast. I try to talk to Carson about everything, but he doesn’t really understand because he hasn’t been through it before. That’s why I’ve been talking to my mom and sister a lot lately since we are all going through the same thing. Well, I’ve written a lot and it’s time for bed. Libby ~ Rest in peace! We love you! You’ll always be in our hearts – 02/02/05.
Commentary: I actually just posted a video of Libby on my YouTube channel last night. To go along with my book coming out this year, I started posting some old home videos on my channel, aka “artifacts” of my childhood. Here’s the link to the video where Libby is shown after I have my little tantrum 🙂 Happy New Year!