My 20-Year Diary

I will be posting 20 years of my diary entries, ages 8-28, from 1993-2014!

Rest in Peace, Libby — December 31, 2017

Rest in Peace, Libby

02/03/05:  The day before yesterday, February 1st, my mom told me that her and my dad made the decision to put Libby to sleep. I was very upset about it, but apparently her condition kept getting worse and she was only surviving on the small amount of water she drank each day. It got to the point where she couldn’t even get up to eat or drink, so my parents would have to bring it to her. Every time she drank water she would have a lot of trouble and would start gagging, and as far as I know she hadn’t been eating anything. The few times she would try to get up she would be very disoriented and would practically almost fall over. She was losing so much weight that any time I tried to pet her, I could easily feel her backbone. When I picked her up I was amazed at how light she had become, it was incredibly sad.

I didn’t know what to do…I didn’t want to go home because I couldn’t stand to see her in that poor of shape, but I also didn’t want to come home to her not being there. It was hard because there were so many nights where either my parents or sister would say that Libby probably wouldn’t make it through the night, but then she would. I would be happy that she was still alive and just knowing that made me feel better. On the other hand, I knew my parents would want to put her to sleep the longer this whole thing went on, so in a way I wished that she would have gone peacefully in her sleep so we wouldn’t have to resort to taking her to the vet. My mom ended up calling the vet and he said the whole not eating and not going to the bathroom thing was really bad because it meant that her organs were not working properly, which would end up poisoning her.

So yesterday morning at about 8:40, Libby was put to sleep. Later that day my parents buried her in the backyard, and I was really upset that I couldn’t be there. The morning of her death was a strange feeling for me because for some reason I wasn’t all that upset. I had been crying every single night and sometime during the day for almost a week but when I woke up that morning, I didn’t really have any reaction. It was like it hadn’t sunk in yet or something. Since I was away at ISU, I didn’t actually see what was happening back home with Libby. I wasn’t there for any of it, so in a way I felt like I could just pretend it never happened. That’s how I got through some of my classes, but at the end of the day when there was nowhere to go, all I could do was sit around and think about Libby. I was upset that we had to put her to sleep and that I couldn’t be there with her. I just try to remember that there was nothing anyone could have done, she just wasn’t going to get any better, only worse. I really did pray to God that he would just take her soul in at night when she was sleeping because it would be easier to deal with if it happened that way. She was such a strong cat and kept hanging onto life.

Tomorrow is Friday, so I’m going home for the weekend. My sister is coming back so we can re-do the bad weekend we had. I really don’t even want to think about going home because it will be the first time in my entire life pretty much where I’ll walk in that door and Libby won’t be there. We’ve had her since I was about five years old. I still can’t get over the fact that a few weeks ago Libby was totally fine and now she’s gone. My mom thinks she may have had a stroke or something, and I think that is very possible because this all happened so fast. It’s like she was fine one day and then couldn’t walk the next day. If it happened gradually it would have been easier. It’s just hard with animals because you can’t always tell if something is wrong with them. We will never know what happened inside Libby’s body that made her go downhill so fast. I try to talk to Carson about everything, but he doesn’t really understand because he hasn’t been through it before. That’s why I’ve been talking to my mom and sister a lot lately since we are all going through the same thing. Well, I’ve written a lot and it’s time for bed. Libby ~ Rest in peace! We love you! You’ll always be in our hearts – 02/02/05.

Commentary: Awww, Libby 😦 I actually just posted a video of her on my YouTube channel last night. To go along with my book coming out this year, I started posting some old home videos on my channel, aka “artifacts” of my childhood. Here’s the link to the video where Libby is shown after I have a tantrum. Happy New Year! 


Libby Hasn’t Been Doing Too Well — December 10, 2017

Libby Hasn’t Been Doing Too Well

01/31/05:  I was too busy to write in this thing again before Christmas break ended. I have been back here at ISU for a little over two weeks and am taking new classes. My schedule is really full and I’m taking 17 hours, which is more than I’ve ever taken in one semester before. It’s going pretty well though, and I found out that two of my classes only go until halfway through the semester and not the entire thing. That will help out a lot.

Anyway, there is something more important going on right now that I wanted to write about. My cat, Libby, hasn’t been doing too well this past week. Over the weekend, Carson and I went to my parents’ house looking forward to a fun weekend. My sister was coming home from Chicago, we were going to go shopping, and I would get to spend time with the animals she was bringing over. Then my mom told me about Libby’s condition, something I was not prepared to deal with. Apparently, Libby has stopped eating and drinking regularly, has lost a lot of weight, and is so weak she can barely get up to use the bathroom. The whole thing has really taken me by surprise because I came back from college last weekend and Libby was doing just fine then. I had also just spent a month at home because of winter break and she was doing fine then, too. So this really came out of nowhere, and the entire weekend I ended up crying and being upset. It has even carried on into this week. My mom said that Libby is a lot worse today than she was yesterday, so we don’t think she will make it much longer.

My sister left to go back to Chicago on Sunday afternoon because she had to work on Monday, but then this morning, she decided she hadn’t spent as much time with Libby as she wanted to, so she drove back. She was sick the whole weekend, so a lot of the “fun” plans we had got canceled. The whole weekend was just awful. Then this morning I started my period, and the whole night last night I was in a lot pain from the cramps. When I woke up this morning, I was extremely tired, not feeling well, and was sad about Libby, so I didn’t go to class. That’s the first time I’ve ever done that.

Tonight my mom brought up the idea of putting Libby to sleep, but there are many reasons why I don’t want to do that. First of all, I don’t like our vet. He’s really rough with the animals, plus I don’t want Libby to spend the last few moments of her life in a place that she has always hated going to. We have agreed as a family that she is in pain but not excruciating pain, and it really seems like she is hanging on because she doesn’t want to leave us just yet. Every day she gets worse, so I would just like her to have a natural death in her home. I think she would be more comfortable with that idea.

I would explain more about how I feel, but lately I’ve been talking to Carson, my mom, and my sister about all this, and we’ve decided to wait one or two more days and see what happens. Hopefully she will pass away when she is sleeping and then we won’t have to worry about making the decision of having her put to sleep. She is 17 years old, which is pretty old for a cat, and her body is just starting to give out. It’s very hard to watch your pet suffer and get to the point where she can’t even bathe herself anymore, let alone purr. She can’t even jump up on anyone for attention. Last week and even months before this weekend, she has been craving attention and wanting everyone to hold her all the time, but now she can’t even get up to walk. It’s weird…maybe she somehow knew all this was going to happen and that’s why she wanted so much attention – because she knew it would be the last time…

Commentary: Well that was kind of a dramatic ending, but yes, it’s horrible to have to make the decision to put your pet to sleep. It was especially hard with Libby because she was our very first family pet and had been around since I was about five years old up until I was in college. You always hope they’ll pass away peacefully in their sleep, but of course that’s not usually what happens. Today’s photo is one of Libby and I after she had gone blind. She lost her eyesight, and apparently I lost my eyebrows. Not sure why the heck I made them so thin, yuck. Anyway, I just wanted to say a quick thank you to those who have purchased my book, “Artifacts of a ’90s Kid.” Your support means the world to me, so THANK YOU! ❤ Go check it out if you haven’t already! 🙂

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