06/29/04: I think the last time I kept a journal was my senior year of high school. When I went off to college at ISU, I didn’t have much time to write, but now it’s summer and there isn’t much for me to do. I have decided to keep another journal mainly because it helps me deal with things and I can say anything. So anyway, I’ll try to give you an update of what happened during my first year of college. It started out with Cara and I rooming together in the dorms (bad idea). We actually had lots of fun in the beginning. We went out partying and were meeting lots of new people, but things started getting worse as time went on. I don’t want to go into every detail of why things didn’t work out, but basically, she became a different person who I didn’t know anymore. Since we have been friends for such a long time and came to ISU together, it was kind of expected that we would hang out every night. Well then I met Carson and everything changed. When he and I met, I was immediately interested in dating him, and that’s what eventually happened. We have been together for over nine months and he has made my life so much better. I started spending all my time with him, which led to lots of arguments with Cara. When things got physical, I decided I needed to move into a different dorm room, even though that meant rooming with a complete stranger. Cara expected me to go everywhere with her, and I was constantly put in a position where I had to choose between her and Carson. She would even steal things from me, it was so ridiculous. I felt like she was jealous of what I had with Carson. There were times when he would send me messages online and she would delete them. This other time I came back to the room and she had ripped up all the pictures I had on my wall and even tore the sheets off my bed…she was just acting crazy. So when I moved out, they stuck me with a girl who I had absolutely nothing in common with. I decided to get a single room for next semester so I can actually concentrate on school and not have any roommate drama. A lot of things happened that made my first year of college hard to get through, but luckily Carson was always there for me when I needed someone. Of course our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty darn close and is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I think one reason why our relationship had a few bumps in the beginning was because it was hard for me to trust someone again after what I went through with Jordan. I think I needed more time to get over what happened, but then Carson came along unexpectedly. You can’t really plan these things out. Anyway, I have stuff to do so I’ll write again later.
Commentary: Things were really bad between my roommate and I, which was sad considering we had been best friends since kindergarten. The last straw for me happened when I went to take a shower. It seemed like she’d do just about anything to hurt me, embarrass me, etc., so I thought she might try to leave and lock me out of our dorm room while I was showering. That way I’d have to stand in the hallway wearing only a towel until whenever she decided to come back. I took my keys with me to the shower and when I came back, just like I thought, the door was locked. When she returned about a half hour later to see that I had outsmarted her and was able to get in the room, she really lost it. I decided right then and there that I absolutely had to move out, so they placed me in a room on a different floor. Somehow my ex-roommate found out where I had moved to and would write “bitch” and other harassing messages on a marker board that was on the door. All because I had a new relationship and didn’t have as much time to hang out with her. Who does that?