03/03/03:  Last night I was dumb and decided to go over to Chad’s house. I haven’t seen him in almost two months, so I went over there and we just cuddled under a blanket on the couch and watched a movie and some shows on TV. I ended up staying there for four hours. I have to say, it really was awesome. I really had a great time. I don’t feel this way about many guys, like major sparks and chemistry. I felt it for Jordan in the beginning and now Chad, but not any other guys that I’ve been around! I prayed a few times and asked God for a favor. I said that if Chad really wasn’t the one for me, then please let me know somehow or make me stop thinking about him all the time. I prayed awhile ago and nothing has changed except after last night I like him even more! I literally have laid on my bed all day thinking about last night and pretty much couldn’t do anything else. The biggest problem I have with him is that when he drinks he goes wild and has no clue what he’s doing. The next morning he wakes up and doesn’t remember what happened. Maybe if I turned 21 I would be going out a lot too, but I don’t think I would be that reckless. Honestly, Chad can be the sweetest, nicest, funniest guy when he wants to be and isn’t drinking. Last night when I was getting into my car to leave, we said goodbye and he tried to kiss me, but I pulled back and wouldn’t let him. It’s not like I didn’t want to kiss him because I did, but I don’t want to get my hopes up thinking he likes me when I’m probably just another girl to him. Gotta go!

Commentary: Eventually, that prayer was answered and God made it quite obvious that Chad was definitely not the one for me. He had been trying to show me warning signs along the way, but I didn’t want to see them. Anyways, if you’ve been wondering where the heck I’ve been, I had surgery! Nothing major or very serious, but I’ve basically felt like crap since around December 15th. I decided to start a blog (in addition to this one) to explain that whole story along with updates on what my life is like now. I should have my first blog post up either today or tomorrow, so I’ll share the link if anyone is interested in checking it out! 🙂