My 20-Year Diary

I will be posting 20 years of my diary entries, ages 8-28, from 1993-2014!

I Was Sweating Like a Pig — March 10, 2017

I Was Sweating Like a Pig

03/14/03:  Last weekend was great. On Friday night, Cara and I went to Stone Country. Usually when I go there, I’m mad about something and just sit out and don’t really dance much. This time I was in a better mood and wasn’t going to let anything bother me, so I went out and danced as much as I could! I was sweating like a pig from dancing so much. I saw that Chad was there too, but just waited for him to come up and talk to me. I was out on the dance floor when some guy asked me to dance to a slow song. I was just starting to answer when Chad came around the corner and saw me. He said that he’d been looking for me and didn’t even think I came. Then he asked if I wanted to dance and I said yes, which was kind of mean to do to the other guy who just asked me, but I had never danced with Chad to a slow song before and didn’t want to miss the opportunity. They ended up playing three slow songs in a row and Chad and I danced to all of them! We just held each other the whole time and it was amazing. I remember closing my eyes and wishing I could stay like that forever. Anyway, then they started playing rap music and I danced with Chad more and also some other guys. Every so often, I would glance over at Chad and he was dancing with some girl, but kept glancing over at me. So I don’t know, but overall it was a great night. Last night I drove to Chad’s house and that is officially the last time I’m ever driving there, which is sad. He is moving to a house in Washington this week, so at least he will be a little closer. I really love the house he lives in now though, because there were good memories there and I loved his room. It’s downstairs in the basement and he has black lights and really neat stuff set up. Aww, I really am going to miss that room. So I went there last night and the couch we usually sit on was gone and was getting ready to be packed up, so we sat on the bed. Eventually we laid down, but he didn’t try to make any moves! That is still one of the reasons I like him. No pressure to do anything. Before I met Chad, everyone told me that he only wanted one thing and I was just going to get used. I don’t believe that now because we have never done anything beyond a kiss and he still wants to see me. Last night we watched The Waterboy and it was sooo much fun. The cool thing is we can just lay there, staring into each others eyes and not saying anything, and it’s never boring. With someone like Paul, I could never do that because he would always have to say something like “Oh, we are holding hands and that means we are going out, right, right, right?!” With Chad, I don’t have to deal with that. Well, I’m going to go get ready for Stone tonight, so I’ll write another time!

Commentary: One thing I love about reading my old diary entries is seeing what kinds of random movies I was watching at the time. I had totally forgotten about The Waterboy!  Anyway, if anyone is interested in checking out my new blog, here’s the link:


I Asked God for a Favor — March 6, 2017

I Asked God for a Favor


03/03/03:  Last night I was dumb and decided to go over to Chad’s house. I haven’t seen him in almost two months, so I went over there and we just cuddled under a blanket on the couch and watched a movie and some shows on TV. I ended up staying there for four hours. I have to say, it really was awesome. I really had a great time. I don’t feel this way about many guys, like major sparks and chemistry. I felt it for Jordan in the beginning and now Chad, but not any other guys that I’ve been around! I prayed a few times and asked God for a favor. I said that if Chad really wasn’t the one for me, then please let me know somehow or make me stop thinking about him all the time. I prayed awhile ago and nothing has changed except after last night I like him even more! I literally have laid on my bed all day thinking about last night and pretty much couldn’t do anything else. The biggest problem I have with him is that when he drinks he goes wild and has no clue what he’s doing. The next morning he wakes up and doesn’t remember what happened. Maybe if I turned 21 I would be going out a lot too, but I don’t think I would be that reckless. Honestly, Chad can be the sweetest, nicest, funniest guy when he wants to be and isn’t drinking. Last night when I was getting into my car to leave, we said goodbye and he tried to kiss me, but I pulled back and wouldn’t let him. It’s not like I didn’t want to kiss him because I did, but I don’t want to get my hopes up thinking he likes me when I’m probably just another girl to him. Gotta go!

Commentary: Eventually, that prayer was answered and God made it quite obvious that Chad was definitely not the one for me. He had been trying to show me warning signs along the way, but I didn’t want to see them. Anyways, if you’ve been wondering where the heck I’ve been, I had surgery! Nothing major or very serious, but I’ve basically felt like crap since around December 15th. I decided to start a blog (in addition to this one) to explain that whole story along with updates on what my life is like now. I should have my first blog post up either today or tomorrow, so I’ll share the link if anyone is interested in checking it out! 🙂

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