01/25/03:  This morning I woke up and went downstairs to the computer because I forgot to log off again last night. Chad had left me a few messages. He said, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I guess you don’t love me. It’s alright, goodnight!” I wasn’t too sure what to think about all that. Right now he’s in Iowa visiting his aunt and cousin. He left on Thursday. He sent me two or three more emails, though. He also has been on his aunt’s computer a few times, so I was able to talk to him. This morning he left more messages telling me to talk to him when I got back, so I did and we talked for 45 minutes to an hour. He said he starts his new job on Monday and has to be there at 5:30 in the morning. That means he has to wake up at 4:30 and can’t stay up all night like he’s been doing the past few weeks. I told him he should really stop drinking and he said he will because of his new job and everything. Hmmm, that is really hard to believe. I mean, since he’s 21 he can legally drink, but he goes way too far. He drinks way too much and way too often. So whatever, we’ll see what happens I guess. This whole week, Paul has been at the fraternity house for something called insulation week, so he hasn’t been online at all. For some reason, Paul has been in my dreams a lot lately. I keep dreaming about him getting online or something. Maybe that means I miss him, but I shouldn’t! I’ve enjoyed this break from him because it’s allowed me a lot of time to think, and life has been less confusing. Today I got my report card for first semester. I got straight A’s even after finals! That is amazing. I even got an A+ on one of my finals. School isn’t that bad anymore. Remember how I was talking about my crappy schedule and how I hated it? Well lunch isn’t as awkward anymore, and my classes aren’t as hard as they seemed on the first day, so that’s good! Things were going well between Jordan and I. I was actually happy for the first time in awhile, but last night he totally ditched me to go get drunk. I was so mad. Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday…Jordan and I first met on Super Bowl Sunday two years ago. That makes me sad and want to cry. Oh well, that’s life I guess. Right now I’m listening to Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer. Just thought I’d add that. Jordan and I really have this chemistry and love for each other that I honestly don’t think I could find with anyone else. I think that’s why I’m so afraid to end things for real. Cara has been dating this new guy for the past three weeks or so. Things aren’t going too well though, and I really think he’s a jerk. Ok, well I really need to get up and change this CD, so I’ll write tomorrow. By the way, Brian seriously stopped calling me!

Commentary: I was able to track down my actual report card for today’s photo! Is it normal to keep old report cards for 13 years? Although the classes I took my senior year weren’t very difficult, I proudly highlighted my final semester grades and displayed them in my scrapbook.