cheddars

08/18/02:  When Josh from TN told me that he was going to come back, I didn’t really think it was going to happen.  On Thursday, August 8th, two days after my previous entry, he came back!  I was out somewhere and when I came home, my mom said that Josh had called.  I will NEVER forget the feeling I had when those words came out of her mouth.  It felt like my heart did a flip in my chest.  I was speechless for a few minutes.  So then I called him back and of course really wanted to see him ASAP.  For some reason though, I didn’t sound that enthused.  Josh even said that I didn’t really sound like I cared about him being back.  Well I did – I don’t know what my problem was.  Anywho, Josh and Chris were going to hang out, so I said I would talk to him later.  On Friday, Josh and I didn’t hang out because I had to work the whole day.  Then Saturday was the carnival at the Christian Center, so I had to work that day also.  Saturday night was the first time I had seen Josh in over a year.  Jordan said he would never talk to me again if I hung out with Josh, but I didn’t care – I had to see him again!  So I drove to Lacon and went to Chris’ house where Josh was staying (I was really freaking out at this point).  I went upstairs to his room and at first didn’t think Josh was even in the room because all I saw were three people I didn’t know, but then someone said “hey” to me and I looked over – Josh!  I hadn’t even recognized him.  He wasn’t wearing glasses like last summer and his hair was really short.  So anyway, we watched a movie called Oh Brother, Where Art Thou or something, which was really boring.  Josh was trying to flirt with me during the movie, but I didn’t really say much because the whole situation was kind of weird.  So that was that night.  Now this is the part where I don’t remember exactly which days I hung out with him and which days I didn’t.  I guess it doesn’t matter too much, though.  Jordan was upset that Josh and I were hanging out again and we basically broke up for a few days.  I decided I wasn’t going to let Jordan tell me who I could hang out with, so I hung out with Josh a lot until the day he left.  I thought I might regret it if I never saw him while he was here, ya know?  The next night I went over to Chris’ house around 8:30 p.m.  Josh told me earlier that he was going shopping somewhere and would be back at 8:00 p.m.  I came a half hour later just to make sure that he would be back, but he wasn’t even there yet.  I had to watch a movie called Shallow Hal with Chris and his two other friends.  Josh finally got home around 9:15, and I was pretty pissed off because I had to leave at 10:30 and he had wasted an hour and 15 minutes of my time.  Once he sat down next to me though, everything was cool and I went from being so mad at him to being so happy.  Last summer was awesome, and I have a lot of great memories from the times we hung out.  He always made me forget all of my problems, and it was like nothing else mattered when I was with him.  He makes me laugh so much!  I was kinda scared about seeing him again because I thought his personality might be totally different since people can change a lot over a year.  Once we started hanging out, everything was the same as it was last summer, and I was so happy about that.  Each time we hung out, I opened up more and more to him.  I don’t think I realized last summer how much I liked him until he was gone.  The next day, I hung out with Shawna and we went shopping at the mall.  She is going to college in New York, so I wanted to spend time with her before she left.  Then that night, I went back to Lacon to see Josh.  We watched a movie called Deep Blue Sea, and it was a lot of fun.  Josh told me that on his last day here, all he wants to do is hang out with me.  So the next day came…his last full day in IL.  Samantha called and wanted me to go to the Taste of Peoria with her.  She said that Josh could come, too.  She came over to my house while I was still getting ready.  Then we went to Lacon to pick Josh up.  I’ll probably go into a lot of detail talking about this day because it was the most fun I’ve had all summer. So we picked Josh up, and the whole way to Peoria he kept making me laugh so hard. He has such a great sense of humor. When we got to the Taste of Peoria we realized how expensive everything was, so we didn’t end up staying long. Every time we stopped to look at the map to decide where to eat next, Josh would put his arm around me and that made the whole experience more special. Afterwards, we went to Cheddars to eat. We didn’t end up eating much at the Taste of Peoria because of the money issue. When we were at Cheddar’s, I had to use the restroom. I wanted to know what was said while I was gone, so the next day I asked Samantha. She said that she asked Josh if he liked me and he said, “Why would I be spending so much time with her if I didn’t like her?” He also said that Chris likes me. That is shocking because Chris is Samantha’s ex boyfriend. Then we drove back to my house. Samantha ended up just dropping us off and went to her new boyfriend’s house. Josh talked to my parents for a little while and then we decided to go see a movie at Willow Knolls. When we got there, the movie we wanted to see started at 9:00 and it was only 8:30. We decided to take a walk, which was nice, since we never really get a chance to hang out alone. Usually we would always be with Samantha and Chris. So we talked for awhile and it was awesome. Then we went back to the theater. I just wanted to savor the next few hours with him because every time he leaves to go back to TN I know there’s always a chance I won’t ever see him again. We saw a movie called Signs and neither one of us liked it very much. Then I had to drive him all the way back to Lacon. We hugged for probably 10 minutes straight. I really didn’t want to leave, but it was almost midnight and I had to work the next morning. We said goodbye and he told me he loved me. He also let me keep the shirt he wore that night. As I was driving home, I couldn’t help but cry. He has been gone for five days now and I already miss him believe it or not. Last night he called me and we talked for about an hour and a half! On the phone he asked me how I felt about him, and that’s a hard question for me to answer. I have a lot of fun when I’m with him, but we are better as just friends. Besides, he lives so far away there’s no way we could be in any kind of relationship. I’m sick of writing and have things to do because school starts tomorrow!

Commentary: I miss Cheddar’s! I used to go there quite often, but it closed down.  Anyway, I mentioned there was always a chance that Josh would go back to Tennessee and I’d never see him again, and that’s basically what happened.  We went on with our lives and didn’t talk at all for about ten years, and then I received a message from him on Facebook. It was very sweet and basically just said that he still thinks about me and will never forget the good times we had during those two summers in high school. I wonder how many people actually read this entire diary entry since it is quite long! 

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