My 20-Year Diary

I will be posting 20 years of my diary entries, ages 8-28, from 1993-2014!

I’m So Relieved That School Is Over! — June 27, 2016

I’m So Relieved That School Is Over!

school

05/30/02:  Today is Jordan’s 18th birthday!  It was also my last day of school.  I had to take my English final and then a History final.  I got done at noon and went home, and then I called Jordan and he came over.  We hung out until 7:00, and then I took him out to dinner.  I’m still going to get him a present, but I’ve been too busy this week with finals and everything.  Now I’m sitting at home doing nothing because Jordan totally ditched me tonight to go hang out with his cousin.  UGH!  My mom and I keep fighting, so I don’t even want to leave my room.  On Monday I start my new job at the Christian Center.  I don’t really want to, but I have to make some money.  I’m a little afraid because I’ve never had a real job before.  I don’t wanna do the wrong thing, ya know?  Oh well, after a week I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it.  I only have to work from 9:00-12:00 in the mornings.  That’s cool because then I’ll have the rest of the day to do whatever I want.  Right now I’m so relieved that school is over!  It was seriously stressing me out so much.  This summer will be a much needed break.  Here are my goals for the summer: get a really good tan, clean my skin twice a day and take my pills to get rid of any acne, make lots of money, not do anything stupid, and have fun!  It’s hard to believe that I will be a senior in high school now.  I have a feeling that next year will be a lot easier than this year was.  I don’t really know what else to talk about, so I’m going to go clean my room and take the nail polish off my nails.  I’ll try to write more now that it’s summer.

Commentary: It’s crazy to think that minimum wage was only $5.15/hour back then. In my next diary entry I mention that the Christian Center decided they only needed me to work three days a week instead of five, so I was only making about $45.00/week, and that’s before taxes! I like how “not doing anything stupid” is listed as one of my summer goals. 

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I Will Be Working at the Christian Center — June 19, 2016

I Will Be Working at the Christian Center

ACT

05/19/02:  I went to the Incubus/Hoobastank concert on April 28th.  Ian came with me, and it was sooo amazing!!!  It was the best time I’ve had this entire year so far.  The whole time I was wishing the night would never end.  Anywho, awhile ago I took the ACT and it really sucked!  It was really hard, and I ended up guessing on more than half the questions.  Oh well…I also got my grade back on my term paper and I got a C.  The class average was a C-, so I guess I did alright.  Cara failed it!  I have one more week of school and a week of finals, then it’s over and I will start my new job on June 3rd.  I will be working at the Christian Center doing things like answering phones and putting information into the database, so nothing too difficult.  I wanted to have more work experience, not just babysitting.  Hmmm, what else to talk about…oh yeah, my love life.  Paul and I have been talking a lot more, and we also have been hanging out.  He tells me that he wants to go back out with me, but I am realizing that I just want to be friends.  Jordan and I broke up for awhile, then got back together for a week or so, and now I just don’t know what to do!  Ugh!  Well I’m gonna go to the mall.

Commentary: For some reason when I wrote this I acted like I wanted to work at the Christian Center to obtain some true work experience, but that was not the case. My mom was worried because I was hanging out with people who she felt were a bad influence on me and she thought I was starting to go down the wrong path, so off to the Christian Center we went. She basically got me the job with the intention that I would meet better people and make new friends, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. There were only about five people who worked in the office, and they were all much older than I was. There was one cute guy who worked there that definitely caught my eye. I didn’t see him much – he had his own office that he would go directly into through a side door, and all I knew was that he helped out with some sort of baseball camp. I had a little crush on him for sure, and guess who he was? Ben Zobrist who now plays for the Chicago Cubs!! 

I’m More Than Extremely Excited — June 15, 2016

I’m More Than Extremely Excited

incubus

03/17/02:  Wow, I haven’t written in a long time – sorry about that.  I’ve been wanting to, but there is never any time and I have so much to tell you that I don’t know where to start.  Hmmm, ok so I mentioned that Travis guy last time I wrote.  I haven’t talked to him in about two months, so yeah forget him!  Paul and I never hung out like we said we would.  There have been times when I’ve gone to Stone Country and seen him, but I never talked to him.  We got along for a very short time, but then went back to how we were – not talking, and every time we did we would fight.  Well that actually changed today.  For the first time since last summer, we actually had a serious conversation.  Today I talked to him online for about three hours straight.  For the first time since the day we broke up, we are cool with each other.  I would go into detail about what exactly we talked about, but it would take too long and I have too many other things to tell you.  Paul wants me to drive to ISU tomorrow to see him.  That’s nice, but I’m not ready for that just yet.  That’s all I really have to say about Paul for now.  Let’s talk about Jordan.  We have been going out for a little over a year and one month.  I’ve realized that I don’t care how different we may be, I still love him sooo much and don’t want to break up.  We just need each other right now, I’ll leave it at that.  Good news!  I got tickets to see one of my all time favorite bands – Incubus!  I’m more than extremely excited.  The concert is next month and I have lower bowl seats, so it should be a lot of fun.  Anyways, a big part of junior year in high school is writing a term paper.  I don’t think I’ve said much about that, but it was due on March 5th and I’m so glad to have it done and out of the way!  Now all I have to worry about is the ACT.  Wish me luck!  Umm, what else to say…there is this guy named Ian I’ve been hanging out with.  He is from East Peoria, and we have become pretty good friends.  Well it’s midnight and I still have homework to do because I have school tomorrow!

Commentary: Even though my parents didn’t necessarily understand or agree with my musical taste, that didn’t stop them from purchasing numerous CDs and concert tickets for me. I really can’t thank them enough for that. Random fact ~ my current boyfriend also went to that concert! 🙂 

That’s Where Some Problems Occurred — June 12, 2016

That’s Where Some Problems Occurred

assignment book

02/05/02:  Lately everything has been very confusing.  First of all, there is my relationship with Jordan.  Each day I fall even more in love with him, but sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be in a serious relationship anymore.  I love Jordan to death, but we do have our differences.  I would love to find someone with the same interests as me, and a person who isn’t so into football and sports.  In a few days it will be our one year anniversary.  On one hand I’m thrilled about that, but on the other hand I’m just not sure that a serious, long-term relationship is right for me at this point in my life.  Jordan is all about marrying me, but sometimes I kind of want to see what else is out there and find out what my options are.  He told me that if we break up he will never talk to me again, and that’s not what I want at all.  Ahhh, things are so difficult.  Anyway, I have been talking to that Travis guy a lot.  I really don’t know why I ever liked him.  He turned out to be kind of an ass.  When I hung out with Brian on Friday night, things went well at first.  He was telling me all these stories and really making me laugh.  Then instead of going out to a movie, he just wanted to rent one and watch it at his house.  That’s where some problems occurred.  He went from treating me like a friend to trying to make out with me.  It made me uncomfortable, especially since I have a boyfriend.  I pushed him off of me and asked to go home.  I haven’t really talked to him since that night.  I really thought he was an awesome guy, so it’s too bad he had to act like that.  Then with Paul, I talked to him one night and he told me that he was really thinking about asking me out again.  There have been many times where I have been pissed off at him or whatever, but when it comes down to it, I kinda like the guy.  After all, he always stuck up for me and was really nice when I needed someone to talk to.  I have agreed to start hanging out with him a little bit and we will see what happens.  I know almost for a fact that Paul and I will never get back together…it would be too hard.  Anyway, it’s after 11:00 at night and I still have a bunch of homework to do.

Commentary: I was such a procrastinator when it came to doing homework. Most kids would probably just go to bed and skip homework if they hadn’t gotten it done by 11:00pm, but not me. I would stay up super late until everything was done. For some strange reason, I kept all four of my assignment books from high school. Just for fun, I decided to see what homework I had on February 5th, 2002, and it looks like I had to answer questions for History, read/answer questions for English, study for a Spanish quiz, and complete an Algebra assignment. I could’ve made my life a lot easier had I just gotten my homework done right after school instead of waiting until the last possible minute. I like how my goal for the week was “Monday @ noon ~ work on Spanish thingy!” There’s also a weekly quote that’s partially cut off in the photo, but it says “Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple” which seems fitting since I being the entry by saying how confusing everything is. Apparently I wasn’t a genius. 

He Has Cystic Fibrosis — June 11, 2016

He Has Cystic Fibrosis

CF

01/28/02: I haven’t written in a long time, so here is an update.  Jordan and I are still going out and we love each other a lot.  In about two weeks it will be our one year anniversary, so I am very excited about that.  Lately Cara and I have been going to this place in Washington called Marci’s Pizza.  It’s a pretty fun place to hang out at, and I met this guy named Travis there who I have become friends with.  Today after school, Samantha came over and we went to visit Brent in the hospital.  He has cystic fibrosis and has lost a lot of weight.  I was really worried about him, but he seems to be getting better.  He’s been in the hospital for two weeks and had to have a feeding tube, but he gets to go home tomorrow.  While I was there, I saw some kid who has no immune system.  I felt really sad and wished there was something I could do to help.  Anyway, this guy I know named Brian is one of Paul’s friends and is in the Marines, so I don’t get to see him that often.  The last time he was in town was back in the summer, but last weekend him and Paul stopped by Marci’s, so it was cool seeing him again.  He asked me to go to dinner and a movie on Friday night, but just as friends.  Tonight he called and told me five jokes.  That was all he called to say, but it really did cheer me up.  Ahh, ya gotta love Brian!  I don’t know what else to tell you, and I really need to get going on my homework.

Commentary: I remember first meeting Brent at Shopko, which was where he worked at the time. He was dating one of my best friends and I was dating one of his best friends, so the four of us hung out a lot during this time. I didn’t have many close friends in high school, so when the four of us got together, it was the first time I felt like I was part of a group. I noticed right away that Brent seemed to cough a lot, and later he explained to me that he had a condition called cystic fibrosis. If only I knew then what I know now about CF, I would have done things a little differently. I was totally clueless about the seriousness of his condition. I still remember going to visit him in the hospital and feeling terrible for not only him, but for some of the other kids who never got to leave. There’s a YouTube channel I’ve been watching lately called “The Frey Life” where a very sweet couple post vlogs about what it’s like to have CF. Here’s the link if anyone is interested in checking them out:

https://www.youtube.com/user/thefreylife

 

He Has Ruined My New Year’s Eve — June 6, 2016

He Has Ruined My New Year’s Eve

Hancock building

12/31/01:  I tried to call Jordan four times yesterday, but he didn’t answer!!  Ugh.  He told me to call anytime because his phone would always be on.  So I didn’t get to talk to him.  Anyway, last night my sister’s boyfriend, Dave, and his family came and are staying in the same hotel as us!  They all came up to our room and talked until 11:30 at night.  I painted my nails, washed my face, and went to bed.  I didn’t sleep at all!  Usually it takes me awhile to fall asleep in hotels, but most of the time I get to sleep within an hour.  Last night I had too much on my mind.  This morning everyone woke up and got ready.  My sister left for the art institute with Dave.  My mom, dad, and I went to the Field Museum.  We walked around at the Cleopatra section, which I found extremely boring.  Then there was a nature section that really interested me.  There were thousands of different animals which were real, but stuffed.  Then we looked at dinosaur bones and stuff.  At around 3:00, we came back to the hotel.  I tried to call Jordan, but his freakin’ phone wasn’t on.  That’s when I decided to write this.  I’ve been thinking a lot on this trip, and now I’m really starting to realize how much I love Jordan and can’t stand being away from him.  I truly want to spend the rest of my life with this guy, and I hope he feels the same way.  Okay, well that’s all for now!

Later: Tonight we went out to eat at a very nice restaurant called The Cheesecake Factory.  We spent like 85 bucks there just on dinner.  Then we walked back to our hotel.  I really have been thinking about Jordan this whole time, so I asked my mom if I could call him real quick.  I did, and he was acting really weird.  He asked if I was in Chicago, and I was like, “Ummm, YEAH!”  I mean he told me to call him tonight, and he knows perfectly well that I’m in Chicago.  Then he asked when I was coming back, and I was very annoyed because he KNOWS that I am coming home tomorrow.  We made a deal, well he actually promised me, that he wouldn’t drink at all while I was gone.  I could tell after talking to him that he had been drinking.  He also lied to me because I asked him if he drank and he told me no, but I was sure he had been because he asked if I was in Chicago, like he didn’t know.  Ugh!  Then he stopped talking and said, “Hey, I think you should talk to Andy.”  I was really mad because oh my gosh!  I spend all this money to call him long distance, and he tells me to talk to his cousin.  I was upset because it really seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me at all, and wasn’t even glad that I called.  Then all of a sudden he said, “What is your problem?!” really meanly, so I just hung up.  I was so upset that I started crying, and my parents were mad that they even let me call him.  Now he has ruined my New Year’s Eve.  I was so ready to tell him how I feel and that I really want to spend the rest of my life with him.  He acted like a total jerk tonight, so forget it!!  I was really looking forward to calling him at midnight, but now my parents won’t even let me.  I know if I don’t call him I’ll regret it later, but if I do call that might make things worse.  We might end up fighting or something because he’ll be mad that I hung up earlier.  Ugh, I was really calling to say how much I love him, but I don’t know what the hell his problem is.  I guess I’m just disappointed in him.  I thought he was the sweetest, most wonderful guy in the world, but I guess not.  Oh, and get this!  My mom and dad both agreed that I would be able to drink some alcohol tonight.  I was so excited!  My parents are super strict and usually never let me do things like that.  So we walked down the street to Walgreens, and guess what?  NO ALCOHOL!!!  I was pissed.  Now my New Year’s Eve is really gonna suck!  Ahhh!  What should I do?  I wanted to go home sooo badly so I could see Jordan, but now I just want to stay here in Chicago.  I love the guy, but I think it’s about time to get myself a new boyfriend!

01/01/02:  Last night my family and Dave’s family all went to the 94th floor of the Hancock building, which is the second tallest building in the world.  We watched the fireworks from up there and it was kind of fun, but I was still thinking about what happened with Jordan.  So yeah, I started crying again.  Plus I had to see like 200 couples kiss at midnight, so that didn’t help.  I decided to not call Jordan at midnight.  People kept asking me what was wrong and kept bringing it up, which just made me more upset.  Anyway, today we drove back home.  I knew I should call Jordan to talk about things.  Basically, he assured me that he hadn’t been drinking.  I would tell you the whole story, but I don’t really want to get into it.  I decided to just believe him and drop it.  He wants to come over tonight, but I’m still upset so I don’t know…for now I’m going to get online and talk to some friends, so BYE!

Commentary: So I was ready to call the whole relationship off just because Jordan asked if I was in Chicago and when I was coming back? Maybe he wasn’t expecting me to call while I was there because cell phones were sparse back then and I didn’t have one. Maybe it was more about how I thought he was lying about drinking, which I didn’t even know for sure if he was. Situations like this make you wonder what would’ve happened had you said what you were hoping to say. What if I did profess my love to him that night and tell him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him? Would things have turned out any differently? I’m guessing probably not. I was too young to be thinking about who I was going to marry. I distinctly remember being at the top of the Hancock building and crying when everyone around me was celebrating. My mom was pissed that she had planned this fun New Year’s Eve trip for us and my mood was ruining it. That’s probably why she was considering letting me drink an alcoholic beverage – so that I’d relax a bit and stop bitching. The particular Walgreens we went to didn’t sell alcohol. When it rains, it pours. 

We Went to the Shedd Aquarium — June 5, 2016

We Went to the Shedd Aquarium

turtle

(Photo from sheddaquarium.org)

12/30/01:  This morning I woke up and got ready to go to Chicago.  I really, really, really did NOT wanna go!  But I had to, so I called Jordan to say goodbye.  For some reason he sounded so incredibly sweet, and that made me not want to leave even more!  By the way, last night I had to babysit, and the kids were terrible!  They wouldn’t listen to me, and absolutely would not go to bed.  When I tried to make them get up and go into their room, they started kicking, punching, and scratching me.  It sucked because I had to just stand there and take it.  It’s not like I could hit them back.  Finally, I told them that I seriously would never babysit for them again, so that’s when they went to bed.  Before I left to go babysit, Jordan came over.  I talked to him for awhile and almost cried when he left my house.  Even though I will only be in Chicago for three days, I am still going to miss him.  I mean, we won’t even get to spend New Year’s Eve together!  Now I won’t have anyone to kiss when the ball drops at midnight.  It’s hard because we have spent so much time together this past week since we are on break from school.  We saw each other every single day, and now I won’t even be able to call him!!!  Anyway, when we arrived in Chicago today around 11:15 a.m., we went to the Shedd Aquarium.  We walked around for what seemed like forever and looked at all the seahorses and such.  I realized that many things reminded me of Jordan.  First of all, there were so many couples walking around holding hands, and I saw this one dude kiss his girlfriend’s hand.  I was sad because that’s what Jordan always does to me.  Then this mother was calling out to her son, and of course his name had to be Jordan!  A few weeks ago, Jordan went to a Detroit Lions game at the Soldier Field stadium.  That is basically right across the street from the Shedd Aquarium, so it was just another thing that made me think of him.  Also, this kid was wearing a Detroit Redwings hat, which just happens to be Jordan’s favorite hockey team.  Aww, I miss him so much already.  So anywho, we checked into this hotel called the Radisson.  We are on the 37th floor, and it is 5:14 p.m.  I am sitting in a chair next to the window right now, and as I look out I can see all the buildings start to light up. Wow. Oh yeah, we also walked around and went shopping at some stores.  We didn’t stay out long because it’s freakin’ freezing out there!!!  Ahhh, no way!  On TV we are watching 3rd Rock from the Sun and of COURSE the guy’s name is Jordan!  My mom looked over at me to see if I heard.  How am I going to survive the next two days?  Grrr.  Well I’m going to go see if I can borrow my mom’s cell phone to call him.

P.S. – I’m homesick!

Commentary: I love how I go from being completely dramatic by saying that I won’t even be able to call Jordan while in Chicago, and by the end of the entry I decide that all I have to do is use my mom’s cell phone. I would’ve been a lot better off had I not been able to call him, and you’ll see why in tomorrow’s post 🙂

 

I Love Christmas Break! — June 3, 2016

I Love Christmas Break!

Incubus

12/28/01:  It’s Friday and is exactly 1:02 in the morning.  I can’t seem to fall asleep, so that is why I’m writing in your pages.  Anyway, I love Christmas break!  I really never want to go back to school.  It will really suck next Thursday when I go back because four days later I start taking finals.  I don’t want to think about school anymore!!!  I’ll tell ya about my plans for tomorrow.  Jordan wants me to come over, but I really doubt my brother will let me take his car for the whole day.  So I think Cara and I will go shopping at the mall.  For Christmas, my grandma gave me a $40.00 gift certificate to buy anything at any store in the mall, so tomorrow I will be sure to use that!  Lately I have really been getting involved with the music of a band called Incubus.  I have really liked them the past few years, but not nearly as much as now.  I really hope to find another person out there who enjoys their music as much as I do.  I have tried to get Jordan to listen to them, but he decided a long time ago that he just doesn’t like them.  Grrr!  Once again, as I have said many times in the past, music is such a big part of my life.  I’ve noticed that every single day of Christmas break so far, I have taken at least an hour each day to sing along to my music.  I know it sounds silly, but music is what I want to end up doing with my life.  There is no doubt I have a passion for it.  No other careers interest me at all.  I thought that might be a sign to do what I dream of doing, but it isn’t that easy.  I’m not saying I want to play guitar or something – I want to be the lead singer and write all the lyrics!  Anywho, I’ll talk more about this tomorrow.  Goodnight!

12/29/01:  The time is 12:41 in the morning.  I will tell you about my day, or technically, yesterday.  Cara and I went to the mall, and I bought a pair of jeans and a shirt.  Later Jordan came to pick me up, and we saw a movie called Vanilla Sky which was very strange, but interesting.  Then he came over to my house and we played Nintendo until after midnight.  Today is Saturday morning, which means tomorrow I leave for Chicago!  Ahhh!  Jordan and I REALLY wanted to spend New Year’s Eve together, and now we won’t be able to.  We already made plans and everything.  Normally I would be excited for New Year’s, but not now that I have to leave my boyfriend.  Anyway, I’m really tired so I’ll just write more later!

Commentary: Oh man, I definitely remember being very passionate about music and wanting to be the lead singer of a band. I would put an Incubus CD in my stereo, start playing the first track, and sing all the way through the entire album without stopping. Even if it’s been years since I’ve listened to one of their early albums, I still remember the words to every song because of how often I listened to them growing up. I was never able to fulfill my childhood dreams of being in an actual band, so I just play Rock Band instead 🙂

Sheesh, What a Sore Loser — June 1, 2016

Sheesh, What a Sore Loser

Mario Kart 64

12/27/01:  Today I went over and picked Jordan up at his house.  I brought him over to my house and we played Nintendo.  I kept beating him at the game and he got sooo mad!  Sheesh, what a sore loser.  Anyway, I took him home around 4:15 and came back to get ready.  Today was my grandma and grandpa Hitchell’s 60th wedding anniversary.  We held a surprise party for them at The Woodcutter.  All of our relatives came, and the food was yummy!  I had a really nice time.  Then my cousin, sister, and I went to my house to play Nintendo.  My cousin left around 9:15, so I called Jordan and talked to him for awhile.  Oh yeah, today Josh called from Tennessee!  I haven’t talked to him in the longest time.  Of course he didn’t come back like he said he was going to, but once I heard his voice I realized how much I miss the kid.  Well, it looks like I have filled up another diary!  Wow, and it doesn’t stop here!  I will continue to write in my new diary.

Commentary: Oh how I miss Nintendo 64…

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