12/31/01: I tried to call Jordan four times yesterday, but he didn’t answer!! Ugh. He told me to call anytime because his phone would always be on. So I didn’t get to talk to him. Anyway, last night my sister’s boyfriend, Dave, and his family came and are staying in the same hotel as us! They all came up to our room and talked until 11:30 at night. I painted my nails, washed my face, and went to bed. I didn’t sleep at all! Usually it takes me awhile to fall asleep in hotels, but most of the time I get to sleep within an hour. Last night I had too much on my mind. This morning everyone woke up and got ready. My sister left for the art institute with Dave. My mom, dad, and I went to the Field Museum. We walked around at the Cleopatra section, which I found extremely boring. Then there was a nature section that really interested me. There were thousands of different animals which were real, but stuffed. Then we looked at dinosaur bones and stuff. At around 3:00, we came back to the hotel. I tried to call Jordan, but his freakin’ phone wasn’t on. That’s when I decided to write this. I’ve been thinking a lot on this trip, and now I’m really starting to realize how much I love Jordan and can’t stand being away from him. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with this guy, and I hope he feels the same way. Okay, well that’s all for now!
Later: Tonight we went out to eat at a very nice restaurant called The Cheesecake Factory. We spent like 85 bucks there just on dinner. Then we walked back to our hotel. I really have been thinking about Jordan this whole time, so I asked my mom if I could call him real quick. I did, and he was acting really weird. He asked if I was in Chicago, and I was like, “Ummm, YEAH!” I mean he told me to call him tonight, and he knows perfectly well that I’m in Chicago. Then he asked when I was coming back, and I was very annoyed because he KNOWS that I am coming home tomorrow. We made a deal, well he actually promised me, that he wouldn’t drink at all while I was gone. I could tell after talking to him that he had been drinking. He also lied to me because I asked him if he drank and he told me no, but I was sure he had been because he asked if I was in Chicago, like he didn’t know. Ugh! Then he stopped talking and said, “Hey, I think you should talk to Andy.” I was really mad because oh my gosh! I spend all this money to call him long distance, and he tells me to talk to his cousin. I was upset because it really seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me at all, and wasn’t even glad that I called. Then all of a sudden he said, “What is your problem?!” really meanly, so I just hung up. I was so upset that I started crying, and my parents were mad that they even let me call him. Now he has ruined my New Year’s Eve. I was so ready to tell him how I feel and that I really want to spend the rest of my life with him. He acted like a total jerk tonight, so forget it!! I was really looking forward to calling him at midnight, but now my parents won’t even let me. I know if I don’t call him I’ll regret it later, but if I do call that might make things worse. We might end up fighting or something because he’ll be mad that I hung up earlier. Ugh, I was really calling to say how much I love him, but I don’t know what the hell his problem is. I guess I’m just disappointed in him. I thought he was the sweetest, most wonderful guy in the world, but I guess not. Oh, and get this! My mom and dad both agreed that I would be able to drink some alcohol tonight. I was so excited! My parents are super strict and usually never let me do things like that. So we walked down the street to Walgreens, and guess what? NO ALCOHOL!!! I was pissed. Now my New Year’s Eve is really gonna suck! Ahhh! What should I do? I wanted to go home sooo badly so I could see Jordan, but now I just want to stay here in Chicago. I love the guy, but I think it’s about time to get myself a new boyfriend!
01/01/02: Last night my family and Dave’s family all went to the 94th floor of the Hancock building, which is the second tallest building in the world. We watched the fireworks from up there and it was kind of fun, but I was still thinking about what happened with Jordan. So yeah, I started crying again. Plus I had to see like 200 couples kiss at midnight, so that didn’t help. I decided to not call Jordan at midnight. People kept asking me what was wrong and kept bringing it up, which just made me more upset. Anyway, today we drove back home. I knew I should call Jordan to talk about things. Basically, he assured me that he hadn’t been drinking. I would tell you the whole story, but I don’t really want to get into it. I decided to just believe him and drop it. He wants to come over tonight, but I’m still upset so I don’t know…for now I’m going to get online and talk to some friends, so BYE!
Commentary: So I was ready to call the whole relationship off just because Jordan asked if I was in Chicago and when I was coming back? Maybe he wasn’t expecting me to call while I was there because cell phones were sparse back then and I didn’t have one. Maybe it was more about how I thought he was lying about drinking, which I didn’t even know for sure if he was. Situations like this make you wonder what would’ve happened had you said what you were hoping to say. What if I did profess my love to him that night and tell him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him? Would things have turned out any differently? I’m guessing probably not. I was too young to be thinking about who I was going to marry. I distinctly remember being at the top of the Hancock building and crying when everyone around me was celebrating. My mom was pissed that she had planned this fun New Year’s Eve trip for us and my mood was ruining it. That’s probably why she was considering letting me drink an alcoholic beverage – so that I’d relax a bit and stop bitching. The particular Walgreens we went to didn’t sell alcohol. When it rains, it pours.