12/16/01: Today I went to the mall with Jordan. I tried to do some Christmas shopping, but wasn’t very successful. Later, I went shopping with Cara. Since I don’t have a job, it kind of makes it hard to buy presents for people considering the fact that I have no money! I’ve been thinking lately…even though I love Jordan sooo much, I kind of want someone who I have more in common with. I really, really want someone who likes the same music as I do. It might sound silly, but music is just a huge part of who I am. Tonight when I called Jordan, all he was doing was watching TV and talking about football. Ugh! Football is his main hobby, and music is mine. One day we were driving in his car and I brought my Incubus CD along. He totally refused to listen to it and said that Incubus sucks. I got sooo pissed! I would like him a lot better if he just liked the things that I like, or at least gave them a freakin’ chance. Even though he has some flaws, I still can’t deny the fact that I love him and really need him. Last night he came with me to Pizza Works and Paul was there. I hadn’t seen him in a long time. I know I should hate him after everything that happened, but for some reason he still has a place in my heart. Then I couldn’t believe it, but I saw Jodi!!! I don’t know if I mentioned him before, but he was some guy I made out with last year. I think it was right before I started going out with Jordan. After that happened, Jodi called me for the next two days, but I was never home. When I finally called him back, his mom said that he had moved with his dad somewhere. I never talked to him or saw him again until last night. He’s a pretty nice guy. The night we met, it was cold outside and he took off his sweatshirt to give to me, which was really sweet. I wanted to talk to him last night to see if he remembered me, but Jordan wanted to leave. Josh is supposed to come back next week, but you seriously can never count on him because he doesn’t know what he’s talking about most of the time. Grrr. I wish things were different! Anyway, I’m gonna go get online!
12/22/01: Jordan’s step-dad totally cut off the phone line. It’s permanent too, so now I can never call him! He can use the cell phone anytime, but for the past two days I haven’t heard from him. That’s really strange, because we always call each other at least twice a day. Today is a Saturday, and we ALWAYS hang out on Saturday nights! Where the hell is he? I’ve tried calling his cell phone, but it’s off. Hmmm, I am quite worried. I thought he might stop by my house because he usually does that, but I haven’t seen him the past three days and I want to know what’s going on! Does he have some other girl he is with on the side? If so, I would be very hurt and wouldn’t want to see him again. Okay, that’s it. I’m just going to go over to his house and see if he’s home.
Commentary: It was difficult being in a relationship with someone who went to a different high school, didn’t live in my town, and apparently didn’t have access to a phone. Cell phones were somewhat new at this point, so instead of having his own cell, his family had a shared one that everyone used. It’s crazy to think about how Jordan and I had no real way of getting ahold of each other if someone in his family had the cell phone. We just had to wait around and hope the other person would randomly come over.