10/08/01: Damn, this weekend has really sucked! I’m not going to get into too much detail, but I just talked to Paul online and he said that he seriously loves me, even though I dumped him. He told me that girls he has liked are now asking him out, but he turns them down because he loves me. I just don’t know what to do! Of course I love Jordan more than anyone, but I feel bad about this whole thing with Paul. I used to really like Josh, but he went back to Tennessee. I haven’t seen him in three months, so I’ve kind of forgotten about him. I still talk to him online, but I don’t like him as much as I used to. I remember during the summer I was so excited to go see him. That was seriously all I wanted to do. He meant a lot to me, but now I have moved on. Josh says he still loves me a lot, more than any other girl. That could be bad because I know how Josh is – he tried to kill himself over a girl once. Now I’m afraid he will do the same thing over me. If I really think about it, I can remember how good it felt to be around him. When I was with him, I didn’t think about any of my problems – we just had fun. We had a great friendship, and I kind of want it to stay like that. If we started dating, we would most likely break up and he wouldn’t talk to me again. I don’t want it to be like that, so I’ve decided that it’s best that we don’t start a relationship. I have to tell him how I feel, even though it’s going to be very hard. It is now midnight and I have school tomorrow…GREAT! Ugh, how can my life suck so much? The worst part is that four guys – Jordan, Paul, Josh, and James – all say they are in love with me. I care about each one of them, but I have to pick. Trust me, it ain’t easy! I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I don’t want them to hate me. Anyway, I still have homework to do, so I really gotta go!
Commentary: So the reason for my life sucking was because four guys were in love with me and I had to choose one? Man, I wish I had those kinds of problems these days. Instead, I have to deal with real life problems like all the health issues I’ve been experiencing over the last month and a half, which is why I haven’t been blogging as often. Nothing life-threatening, but still very frustrating, painful, and inconvenient. Anyway, today’s photo is of me sitting in my friend’s car back in 2001. I tried to use a filter to make myself appear less creepy, but I don’t think I was successful. Josh was actually the one who took this photo during one of many joy rides where we’d blast Nelly’s “Country Grammar” album.