09/21/01: Wow. I had an extremely bad day. I’m just really fed up with everyone! Cara was treating me like shit, my mom came home early and I got into an argument with her, and now Miles is pissed off at me. Grrr, life really sucks sometimes. All I wanna do is see Josh because then I could actually be happy for once. The things that are bothering me the most right now would be my mom and color guard. Just because we got first place at State last year, they really expect that to happen again. The pressure is definitely on! They are pushing us sooo hard and it’s driving me absolutely insane. Then I lost all respect for my mom. I don’t care that she hates me, and yes, she has said that she truly doesn’t like me which hurts, but I’m getting used to it. Well here I am at the end of another journal. I think I’ll start another one next month. Thanks for listening to all my problems…and I’m out!!

Commentary: I guess the phrase “and I’m out” was cool back then.  I’m not sure why I thought seeing Josh would somehow solve all the problems in my life. I really should have spent more time working on myself and finding out how to be truly happy instead of relying on guys.