My 20-Year Diary

I will be posting 20 years of my diary entries, ages 8-28, from 1993-2014!

We Are Getting Back Together Soon — January 28, 2016

We Are Getting Back Together Soon


(Photo from

10/04/01: Today was a pretty good day at school. Classes were shorter, and there was an assembly. This is also homecoming week. Tomorrow night I have to perform at the football game during halftime for color guard. It should be fun. Then on Saturday I get my hair cut and am going to homecoming with Paul, but just as friends. We dated for a month or two, but he goes to ISU, so I never got to see him during the weekdays. That’s part of the reason I dumped him. He’s a really nice guy, though. Last Saturday I went to IVC’s homecoming with Jordan. He’s the guy I dated for eight months, but after going out with Paul, I realized how much I love Jordan, so we are getting back together soon. Okay, well I’m gonna go do homework and burn a few more CDs.

Commentary: In my last entry I was counting on Josh to make me happy, and now I’m planning on getting back with Jordan – goodness.  Why did I feel the need to remind my diary who Paul and Jordan were when I’ve been talking about them for months?!  I went to two different homecoming dances, but apparently didn’t take a single picture at either one.  Ahh, the days of burning CDs! 

The Pressure is Definitely On! —

The Pressure is Definitely On!


09/21/01: Wow. I had an extremely bad day. I’m just really fed up with everyone! Cara was treating me like shit, my mom came home early and I got into an argument with her, and now Miles is pissed off at me. Grrr, life really sucks sometimes. All I wanna do is see Josh because then I could actually be happy for once. The things that are bothering me the most right now would be my mom and color guard. Just because we got first place at State last year, they really expect that to happen again. The pressure is definitely on! They are pushing us sooo hard and it’s driving me absolutely insane. Then I lost all respect for my mom. I don’t care that she hates me, and yes, she has said that she truly doesn’t like me which hurts, but I’m getting used to it. Well here I am at the end of another journal. I think I’ll start another one next month. Thanks for listening to all my problems…and I’m out!!

Commentary: I guess the phrase “and I’m out” was cool back then.  I’m not sure why I thought seeing Josh would somehow solve all the problems in my life. I really should have spent more time working on myself and finding out how to be truly happy instead of relying on guys. 

I Have Been Such a Slacker Lately — January 26, 2016

I Have Been Such a Slacker Lately


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09/20/01: A few nights ago, I dumped Paul. Apparently he was really upset about it, but I only got to see him for one day out of the whole week, so I figured it wasn’t worth it. There is this guy named Miles who is new at my school. We have become friends, and he calls me every night. We even get together on weekends. He asked me to Homecoming, but I don’t know about that…Paul and I will probably go as friends. I’m really glad I met Miles because he is so awesome and we have a lot in common. We enjoy the same type of music, like Deftones. He is on the football team, was in marching band with me but got kicked out, and yesterday he tried out for the school play (Grease). Recently I’ve been having MANY problems with my parents. I seriously cannot get along with them. Every time I talk to my mom, I get really pissed off. The situation gets ten times worse every day, but I’ve realized how much I love music and it has really been helping me out. I have so much anger built up inside of me, and when I sing every emotion comes out and I end up feeling so much better. I just thought I would share that. Anyways, let’s talk about Josh. I miss him more and more every day! It sucks that he has to live in Tennessee. I think he is coming here for Christmas, so that’s cool. Ahh, it’s Thursday night, almost midnight, and I haven’t even started my homework! I have been such a slacker lately, and my grades are suffering because of it. One of my goals this year is to raise my grade point average to at least a 3.5. Then I would be extremely happy, but I don’t know if that’s possible. Ok, I’m sure this rambling isn’t making a lot of sense and my hand is tired of writing, so I’m gonna go to bed!

Commentary: Kicked out of marching band?  I certainly knew how to pick ’em.

I’m Actually Really Scared — January 19, 2016

I’m Actually Really Scared

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 11, 2001: (FILE PHOTO) A fiery blasts rocks the south tower of the World Trade Center as the hijacked United Airlines Flight 175 from Boston crashes into the building September 11, 2001 in New York City. Almost two years after the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center, the New York Port Authority is releasing transcripts on August 28, 2003 of emergency calls made from inside the twin towers. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

(Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

09/11/01: Wow, I have a lot to tell you. First of all, I dumped Jordan awhile ago so that things would be good for Paul and I. Our relationship already had some bumps, and we broke up. Then two days later he wanted me back, so I just said, “Ok.” Most people think that Paul only wants me for one thing since I’m 16 and he’s almost 19. I was convinced that wasn’t true because he is such a nice guy, but a couple days ago I went over to his house and he really wanted to do it with me, but I said no. Now I don’t know what the hell to do. I’ve only been going out with him for about three weeks. I guess I will just make it very clear to him that I will never do that with him, and then see what happens. If it isn’t a big deal and he still wants to be with me, then that’s cool. But if he dumps me, then I’ll be very pissed that I wasted my time with him. I thought breaking up with Jordan would be the best thing to do, but now I’ve really started to realize how much I love him and want him back. Okay, enough about that…now for something much more important. Today at school, I walked into my first class and everyone was watching the news. A plane had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. At first I just thought it was an accident, but then another plane crashed into the other tower. Then I started to realize that this had been a terrorist act. A plane also crashed into the Pentagon. Thousands of people died today, and it’s the biggest and most tragic thing that’s ever happened to the U.S. President Bush said that as soon as they find out who did this, we will fight back. I’m actually really scared. Many people think this will lead to World War III and that the war will last a long time. Oh, and it’s Cara’s 17th birthday, too! Gas prices have gone WAY up. It used to be $1.18, and now it’s $5.00. That’s crazy! I am gonna try to do some homework now, but I’ll write more later.

Commentary: I remember 9/11 like it was yesterday. I had just walked into my Resource Management class and noticed that the tiny TV attached to the ceiling had been turned on to display the news. The first plane had already hit the North tower of the World Trade Center, and everyone thought it was just a horrible accident. I’ll never forget the rhetorical question the kid sitting in front of me asked: “Wouldn’t it be crazy if another plane hit the other tower?”  We were absolutely horrified when it actually happened minutes later.  At that point, we started to realize that it was an intentional attack, but there was so much confusion – who did it, and why? The teachers seemed surprisingly calm, but I’m sure that was only because they were told to put on a brave face for the students’ sake. I was totally unaware of the magnitude of the situation, which I didn’t fully understand until years later. I can also still remember walking into my second hour class – U.S. History – and wondering if what had happened that morning would someday appear in my U.S. History textbook.

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