08/22/01: Today was the first day of school. Cara and I are getting along better, and we actually don’t have a class together like we thought, so that really sucks. Anyway, Paul asked me out a few days ago, and I didn’t know what to say, so I just said “yes” even though I’m still going out with Jordan! Now I’m in deep shit! I’m basically going out with two guys right now. I need to pick one, but that will be very difficult. I love Jordan a lot, but Paul seems like the perfect guy and he’s in college! I don’t know what to do. I guess when Jordan comes over tonight I’ll break the news to him then. Paul has come back from ISU the past four days in a row just to see me. I really appreciate that. Oh, and I don’t know if I’ve told you this before because it’s something I don’t want many people to know, but I smoke! Over the summer I seriously was addicted and smoked like three or more a day! It was really getting bad, but now that school is starting and I’m broke, I’ve decided to quit for good. The only bad thing is that Paul smokes, so now I’ll have to be around it all the time. Josh sent me an email today that said he loves me and hopes everything is alright. Out of every guy I’ve met, he is my favorite. Too bad he lives so far away. I care about Jordan more than I care about Paul, but I think Paul and I might have more in common. Jordan talks about football all the damn time and it’s honestly getting on my nerves! I’m gonna go clean my room now, so I’ll write more when something exciting happens!
Commentary: I highly regret my decision to start smoking, but at least it was a very short-lived habit. Apparently it never occurred to me to tell Paul that I needed time to figure things out or that I already had a boyfriend. When in doubt, just say “yes” and deal with the consequences later.