08/14/01: Today was Paul’s last day here, because he leaves for college tomorrow morning. He came to pick me up around 1:30, and we went to his house in Washington to watch movies. I really do like him a lot, but he seems way too good for me. Seriously, he has absolutely no flaws. When he dropped me off he said something about how he wouldn’t be seeing me for awhile, and that’s when he leaned in for a kiss. I didn’t know what to do, but ughhh, I just kissed him. He opened his mouth like he wanted some tongue action, but that’s where I made it stop and just gave him a hug instead. I’m starting to realize how much I miss him, and he isn’t even at college yet. Now there is a huge problem. Ok, you know that I’m still going out with Jordan, right? Well now Paul wants to go out with me and I would actually love to date him, but what the hell am I supposed to do about Jordan? I still really care about him a lot and wouldn’t want to hurt him, but Paul is funny, and I like it when guys make me laugh. Jordan never really makes me laugh because he’s way too damn serious. Also, Jordan loves me sooo much and always says he doesn’t know what he would do without me, so I’m kinda concerned that he will kill himself or something if he gets dumped. That’s just how he is. I have a feeling that if I go out with Paul it will end up being a really short-term relationship because he’ll be away at college, and if I stay with Jordan it would end up being long-term. Today is our six month anniversary, by the way. I really don’t know what to do! This is the hardest decision I’ll ever have to make. Hmmmm. Anyway, tonight from 6:00-9:15, I went to color guard practice. It was cold outside, and now it gets dark a lot sooner. Ahh! I don’t want winter to come! Summer was waaay too short. Then Jordan stopped by my house around 10:00 p.m. I was trying to decide if I should dump him or not, but I really don’t know. Oh well, I’ll figure it out someday. I’m going to go to bed now because I have to wake up early for school registration. I’ll write more later!!
Commentary: Hardest decision I’ll ever have to make? Ha! Not by a long shot. I was such a horrible girlfriend – eventually the bad karma I created catches up with me.