(Photo from http://www.rentcafe.com)

08/03/01: This week I went to band camp. It sucked sooo much. It was from 7:45 a.m. – 5:00 p.m., and Kaiser said this was the worst weather he has seen for the past 18 years that he has directed the band. It was just so freakin’ hot. I’m talkin’ like 98 degrees and NO breeze at all. It was miserable, but oh well, I survived it. So today at 3:00 we performed for the parents. My friends Matt and Eric came to see me, so that was cool. We did pretty good, and only performed the first two songs since we haven’t learned the third one yet. Then there was a pool/pizza party. Samantha, Shawna, and I didn’t want to go, though, because we already had pizza for lunch. Melissa’s mom brought it for us. It was yummy. Anywho, enough about band camp. Around 4:30, we left to go swimming at the pool at Samantha’s apartment. We hung out and ate chips, and then Samantha came over to my house and is going to spend the night. HAHA!! We are both writing in our journals right now. I forgot to tell you that Mark, my mom’s best friend’s son, died of cancer last Wednesday. It was incredibly sad because he was only 23 years old, and I had pretty much known him my entire life. When I was little, my brother, sister, and I would go over and play with Mark and his sister, Jamie. That’s who we went to see when we went to Minneapolis – he was getting treatment at a hospital there. On Saturday I went to his funeral and cried. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, so I’ll write about something else now. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, but I’ve gone to talk with a psychologist three times. My mom made me go, but it didn’t help at all – just a waste of money. The relationship between my parents and I is going down the tubes. I’m serious, we don’t get along AT ALL!! Almost every night I go out to Pizza Works to play pool because I really can’t stand being around my parents for too long. On to a different subject, Josh is leaving!!! Right now he is with Chris (Samantha’s boyfriend) in Colorado (where they used to live) for a vacation. Over this past month, I’ve been hanging out with Josh more and realizing how much I really do like him. It’s sad to think about. Right when I get close to someone, they have to move away. It just totally sucks. The good news is that Josh said he will write to me and call during the year he is gone. He better be coming back, though! I’m afraid something will happen, like he will meet some really cool girl in Tennessee and decide to stay there. Ahh! Anyway, he comes back from Colorado on the 10th of August, so I’m going to try and see him that day, because on the 11th he will be leaving for Tennessee. Why can’t he stay longer, darn it! Oh, we went to the Heart of Illinois Fair, and it was cool riding on rides with him and stuff. Let’s talk about Jordan…it has almost been six months now, and we haven’t exactly broken up yet, even though I’ve kinda wanted to. He hasn’t really done anything wrong, but to tell ya the truth, I’m just sick of him! I need a change. I should be single for awhile, that would be nice. Well I think Samantha and I are going to watch a movie now, so I’ll write more L8R.

P.S. – I don’t wanna go back to school!!!

Commentary: Wow, I was all over the place when I wrote this entry! I just kept switching randomly from one topic to another. The real reason my parents and I had gone to Minneapolis was to visit our family friends whose son was receiving treatment for cancer. This was not mentioned at all in my diary entries I wrote during the trip. Instead, I selfishly spent my time thinking about boys and my extremely minor life problems. If I could go back in time and re-do certain parts of my life, that trip would definitely be on the list. I wish I could have been there more for our family friends who were going through such an incredibly difficult time. Instead of going over to their apartment with my parents to offer support, I decided that I didn’t feel like going and stayed back in the hotel room. I also wish I would have spent more time with Jamie – I can’t even begin to imagine what she went through. I don’t want to give too many details, but basically Mark had been completely healthy up until he was about 21 years old, and then he was diagnosed with leukemia. I didn’t know much about cancer at the time, so part of the reason I didn’t seem too concerned during our trip to Minnesota was because I didn’t understand the severity of the situation. I thought he would be in the hospital for awhile, receive treatment, and then eventually he’d get better, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. While we were visiting Mark, his family played a recording of him singing the song “More Than Words” by Extreme, and to this day I still tear up when I hear it.