07/07/01: Sorry it’s been so long since the last time I wrote, but a lot has happened lately in my life. Alright, first of all I guess I will talk about Jordan. Things are just really screwed up right now! Last week was terrible because I was trying to avoid him which just made things worse, and he said he felt like each day we were growing more and more apart. I just got really stressed out and confused because there were a lot of people telling me to dump him, and other people were saying that he’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I should stay with him. Most people really don’t understand. The people who are saying I should stay with him are the people who talk to him and know how much he loves me. They think I’m so lucky to have someone who cares about me so much, and can’t understand why I would want to give that up. The truth is, I’m not sure if I feel the same about him. I do love him and always will, but I don’t think he’s “the one,” so I’m probably just wasting my time by staying with him. It might be time to move on. Recently I met this guy named Josh. He is Samantha’s boyfriend’s friend who lives in Tennessee and is just here to visit. I have been hanging out with him and am really starting to like him. He likes me a lot, too. He came over tonight and wrote “I ❤ U” on my hand. Awww! How sweet. The thing is, he wants to go out with me, but I don’t want to get too attached because he is just going to have to go back to Tennessee soon. I think I’m going to really miss him, though. He makes me happy, and I forget about all my problems when I’m with him. He is such a nice guy that has had a really tough life. Oh and by the way, Jordan went on vacation for four days and is supposed to get back tomorrow. The truth is, I haven’t missed him at all! I’ve been having a really good time while he’s been away because I don’t have to worry about anything. That will all change tomorrow when he comes back, and then we will have all these problems again. He told me things were going to get a lot better between us, but I just don’t think that will happen. I used to think it would be really hard to break up because I’d regret it or miss him terribly, but now I think I’m ready to do it and move on. I mean, I love him and everything, but we have been going out for almost five months and I’m kind of ready for a change. Josh is supposed to move to Illinois next year, so yay! Hopefully things can work out between us, but I don’t know! People can change over a year. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I’m tired of writing and it’s 1:00 in the morning, so I’m gonna go to bed!

P.S. – Sam is still my true love.

Commentary: This entry sounds so bad – my boyfriend goes on vacation and not only do I admit to not missing him, but I hang out with another guy while he’s gone! Argh, why wasn’t one guy enough?