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02/06/01: A lot has been going on in my life lately, but all I can think about is what happened tonight. I’ll tell ya about that, but first, about that Derek person…he never wrote me a note like he said he was going to do. He told my friend that he liked me, but he sure doesn’t act like it! Anyway, I can’t wait around for him to make up his mind about me, so I’m movin’ on! I haven’t seen James since the last time I wrote. I did talk to him online and on the phone a few times, though. He’s cool, even though he’s not what I’m used to. But I do like him, kinda. He thinks we should hook up, but I never get to see him anymore! That’s what I told him, but he said that will all change because he was getting his license back and was going to come over. Well he never came! So forget him too, I guess! Anyway, there is this guy named Jordan that Brent is trying to hook me up with. I’ve seen him before, and he’s cute! Tonight Brent called around 5:30 and said that he and Jordan were going to come over. By the way, Samantha and Brent broke up, so she wouldn’t be coming with them. Anyhow, I waited and waited and figured they weren’t coming. Finally, at 9:30 p.m., the doorbell rings and it’s Brent, Jordan, and some other guy. The second I saw them, I knew they were drunk. Brent was like, “Let’s go downstairs,” so we did. Okay, I’ve never been around people who are drunk. Ever! So I didn’t know what to expect. Brent picked up a guitar and played a few notes. Then they all started to laugh. It wasn’t even funny! Drunk people are just scary like that. Brent was trying to get me to talk to Jordan, but I wouldn’t say anything because I was mad at them. Brent took me in another room to try and see what was wrong, but I just said “Nothing.” Then I tried to leave, but he held me back and grabbed my boobs! I was like, “Oh my gosh!” I’m not sure if he even realized what he did, but it was wrong. Then I basically kicked them out. Brent said he would call me later to see why I was mad. I don’t think they will even get home without getting in a wreck because they were so drunk. Tonight really made me think. Oh by the way, my computer crashed and has been down for two weeks, so I haven’t been able to talk to Sam. The last talk we had was great, though. He talked about how his band was doing and said he can’t wait for me to come see them. He was saying all this stuff like when they go on tour I have to come with them. It made me think that he might actually still have some feelings for me. That’s nice, because I love him lots. I always will. Anyway, to relate Sam to what happened tonight, he’s from England so he drinks a lot. I’m just picturing him drunk since now I know what drunks act like, and now I’m thinkin’ maybe I wouldn’t wanna be around someone like that. It’s scary to think about. Sam is such an amazing person and I would never want to lose him. I’m not sure what to do, but I’m going to think about it. I’ll write more some other day.

Commentary: I don’t think I knew what the phrase “hook up” meant. I was under the impression it meant to start dating someone. I guess it’s a good thing I had never been around drunk people until I was a sophomore in high school. I know some people who started drinking when they were in eighth grade! I look super creepy in today’s photo – my friend, Samantha, is the one sitting on the bed. My mom tried to decorate my room nicely with hearts and angels, but clearly I had other ideas. This picture really illustrates what my musical interests were at the time – Limp Bizkit, Eminem, and of course, the Red Hot Chili Peppers. That large picture on the wall above my friend’s head was a painting of a lake with a swan in it, but I completely covered it up with crap I found in magazines, on the internet, and in album booklets. I’m sure my mom was thrilled when she saw it.