christmas tree

(Photo from

12/27/00: I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but Christmas isn’t fun anymore. Actually, I haven’t been excited for any holiday this whole year. When I was little I always got excited, but this year everything has been different. I really can’t get along with my mom, and she’s driving me absolutely crazy! I can’t wait until I move out of this nightmare house, and I’m totally serious. I talked to my sister and she even said that she’s going to move as far away as possible after college. So my plan is to move to California. That’s where I’ve dreamed of going my whole life. Anyway, I was telling my mom the plans I had for New Year’s Eve since she won’t allow me to go to ANY of my friends’ parties because she doesn’t trust me. Cara and I were going to go on this boat and meet new people and have the countdown and everything on the boat. My mom just doesn’t want me to go. Uggghhh. Do you know what I did last New Year’s Eve? I sat in my parents’ bedroom all by myself, crying. Yeah, that totally sucked. That was just the beginning of a totally messed up year. This has definitely been the worst year of my life. Actually, each year gets worse and worse. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to survive before I go totally crazy. The only good thing about this whole year was that I met Sam. I bet he doesn’t even like me at all now, so I’m just hopeless. Man, I can’t even explain how I’m feeling at the moment. My mom says I can never talk to or hang out with Brent or James ever again. I am sooo mad. My mom just wants me to be a perfect little angel but she is going to have to face reality – I’m no perfect angel! My parents want me to hang out with freak Melissa, but I can’t stand her! All she does is talk about school and studying. She never has any fun. She would never even think about getting drunk. I really can’t deal with people like her. Cara agrees with me. Parents just don’t understand a darn thing! I am seriously NEVER telling my parents anything ever again! They think they can take away all my freedom – hell no! I don’t think so! From now on I’m not going to let my parents ruin my life. Just because they hate their lives and are constantly depressed, they want me to be depressed, too. It’s not fair. My mom always says she wishes she never had kids. Well fine, I wish I was never born! But I’m dead serious – I’m going to stop crying myself to sleep every night because of my parents. I’m gonna go out there and have some fun! I’m going to promise myself to never take their crap again, because they are definitely ruining my life.

Commentary: Oh. my. goodness. What was my deal? Is it normal for teenagers to be this dramatic? I don’t know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness of this entry or be mortified that I’m actually sharing it online.