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11/28/00: I had a better day today. School went by really slowly, but at least nothing bad happened. When I got home, Sam was online (wow) and we started talking. I kinda didn’t talk that much because I was also on the phone. So he had to go, and we only had about ten minutes. Every time I am dying to speak with him, I get all these interruptions. He actually remembered something I told him a long time ago. He was telling me that he had to go, and this is what he said: “I gotta go cos my mum, sorry, MOM is yelling for me.” He said that because awhile ago I had been playfully making fun of the way people in England say “mum” instead of “mom.” I really couldn’t believe he remembered that, because he has forgotten a lot of other things. I think tomorrow I’ll apologize for not saying much. I’ll explain that I keep having interruptions but am really glad he started getting online again. Now he probably thinks I don’t even wanna talk to him or something. I don’t know what it is, but I really like him LOADS and LOADS. Haha, he always says “loads” instead of “a lot.” Well I’m gonna try and do homework now, L8R!

12/10/00: I haven’t written in awhile because nothing too exciting has been happening. Except for today. Sam didn’t get online for like two weeks after the last time I wrote in here, and I thought he wouldn’t want to talk to me ever again since I didn’t say that much. So I waited for him to respond to the email I sent two weeks ago, but he never did. Last Thursday I wrote to him again saying that it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me since he never writes back. The next day I got an email saying this: “Heeeey, don’t ever think I don’t wanna talk to ya anymore, because I do. It’s just that I’ve been busy with work, the band, and school. But I promise we’ll chat again real soon.” I am so happy he still wants to talk to me! Anyway, I had this really strange feeling in my stomach all day and felt like somehow I knew I would get to talk to Sam. So I got online, and he was on! One of the first things he said was how much he missed me. I couldn’t believe it! I was so shocked. It kind of made me realize that he actually does have feelings for me and I’m not just wasting my time. We got to talk for about an hour or a little over. I made sure that I said a lot this time. I kind of noticed something while speaking with him. It seems like he has changed somehow. I’m not sure what it is, but there is definitely a change in him. The only bad thing about him is how much he drinks! I know he lives in England, but it still bothers me. Sometimes he will have 10 freakin’ beers at a time. I’m worried about him. I know we were meant to meet somehow – that’s a fact. Every time I think back on how I never used to go into chat rooms and the one time I do I meet the coolest person alive, that’s the thing that makes me think I’m not crazy after all. I really, really, really, really want to keep on being friends with him because he means so much to me.

Commentary: It’s still fascinating to me how this whole internet romance started and how I developed such strong feelings for someone I had never met in person. I can see how this type of thing happens though, because talking to someone on the internet is a lot different than being around them 24/7. It’s definitely not reality since they can be whoever they want to be online. I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had Sam and I met in real life. Would he have been as awesome and amazing as I imagined, or completely different than what I expected? Guess I’ll never know!

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