Halloween

10/31/99: Today is Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, but this year I really had a bad time. Oh diary! Everything bad is happening. I’ll tell you everything. I haven’t had my period for more than three months, so my mom says I have to go to the doctor because something is really wrong. Next, Erin and I had planned on going trick-or-treating, but somehow her annoying sister got involved and I was already mad at Erin, so I just ran back to my house right when we started trick-or-treating. Then I started crying and my mom was yelling at me. My emotions were just so abnormal because of this period thing, so I kind of accidentally called my mother a jerk. I got slapped across the face. Everyone thinks I’m crazy because I said I was going to kill myself. Well I would never do such a horrible thing, but I just want attention or someone who cares about me (I think I need a boyfriend)! I just felt so unloved and thought if I did die, nobody would care. I was at the point where I was crying and just couldn’t stop. Now my mom says if Erin calls, comes to the door or anything, I will not be allowed to see or talk to her (she pulled the phone out of my room, too). After all, Erin has basically ruined my life. My mom is going to set an appointment for me to see a psychologist. I don’t think so! How can my mom expect me to go into a room all by myself with a grown up man I don’t know at all and tell him all this personal stuff? It would be impossible for me to do. Then he would just give me some pills, so then I’ll actually be on a medication. Gosh, I can’t even tell my closest friends what is going on, let alone some stupid psychologist! Well now it’s 10:00 p.m. and I still have to worry about doing homework, taking a shower, and going to bed. I bet I’ll be writing a lot more often.

Commentary: Oh yes, I remember this Halloween. Goodness, I don’t even know where to start. I got slapped across the face and probably deserved it. I don’t sound fun to deal with. I’m pretty sure getting a boyfriend wasn’t going to fix anything, and I don’t think anyone would want to date me considering how crazy I was acting. 

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