My 20-Year Diary

I will be posting 20 years of my diary entries, ages 8-28, from 1993-2014!

Well Guess What! You Are a Jerk — September 30, 2015

Well Guess What! You Are a Jerk

wine

01/02/00: The Campbell’s went to South Carolina for winter break and just got home today. I had to take care of their pets and got paid $80.00 for doing it! Anyway, I wrote Erin a long letter, and she read it when she got home. I had to return something to Mrs. Campbell, so I went over there and Erin answered the door. She came out and started talking to me about the note. I didn’t really say anything. When I got home, I was thinking about what she said and decided to call her. We ended up talking for over an hour about how our Christmas and New Year’s went. We really seemed like friends again, and I thought we would be from then on. She said she wanted to come over to see everything I got for Christmas. Before we got off the phone, she said that she hoped she would see me later today. Then I went over to her house and really wanted to borrow something that was half mine anyway. It was a videotape of Hannah and I. We were singing songs and dancing – it was our own music video. I wanted to see it again. Erin answered the door and everything went back to normal. She seemed to hate me, and it was like we never even had that talk on the phone. I did want to be friends with her, but now I remember how much of a jerk she is.
01/08/00: Today is Saturday. Finals are starting this coming week, so today and tomorrow I’ll be studying my ass off! Anyway, on Thursday night Erin came over – without being invited – to see what I got for Christmas. I was really mad at her, but tried my hardest to be nice. It turned out that she was acting all nice to me just to borrow a shirt. She knows I wanted to be her friend, so she acts all nice and asks to borrow something. She knows I’ll say yes since I want to be her friend. Well guess what, Erin! You are a jerk, and I know for sure I don’t want to be friends with you now that I know your plan! Well I’m going to go get dressed, so I’ll talk to ya later!

Commentary: Aww, the 90’s are officially over. I would love to see that music video that my neighbor and I filmed. I have a vague memory of it starting with us coming out of the bathtub. 

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I Really Wish I Would Die! — September 29, 2015

I Really Wish I Would Die!

Bush singer Gavin Rossdale performing on 'MTV 2 Large' on New Year's Eve in MTV's Times Square studios, 12/31/99. (Photo by Scott Gries/ImageDirect)

12/31/99: Right now I am sooo depressed. Gosh, I really wish I would die! I don’t hate myself at all, but I just hate life. I’m sick of living a life where I have absolutely no friends and everyone in my family hates me and makes fun of me on a daily basis. I try talking to my mom about being depressed all the time, but she has no clue how I feel and doesn’t understand me even the slightest bit. Every time I try to talk to her, she asks me why I take my anger out on her and the rest of the family. That is a bunch of crap! All I do is tell her how I feel because people say that is supposed to make you feel better. YEAH RIGHT!!! All it does is make me cry more because then I really think that no one understands how I feel. Cara was my only friend, but I have decided that I just can’t be friends with her. This is what she did. A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Cara on the phone and asked her if she wanted to come over to spend the night on New Year’s Eve. She said, “Okay.” Then last night I called her to tell her the plan. We were going to go shopping during the day, and then she would come over to spend the night and celebrate. She said she would ask her mom and call me right back. She never called back, so I tried calling about 10 times but couldn’t get ahold of her. Then I waited until the next morning. Finally, I got ahold of her. I asked her if she could come shopping with me, and she said she hadn’t even asked her mom yet. She said she would call right back. I waited two hours, but she never called! I tried calling her for a half hour but nobody answered, so I left a message on her answering machine saying I was going to have to leave without her since she wasn’t calling me back. When I got home from shopping, I called her and she said that she had to go shopping with her mom to help her, because I had asked where she went. But that was just a lie! Oh yeah right, I can’t believe that she had to help her mom go shopping. Then the cord on my phone came out because it’s broken, so I lost the call. I tried calling back, but since she knew it was me, she didn’t answer. I decided to wait an hour. I called again, and her mom said she wasn’t home. I’m like, “Well when will she be back?” Her mom said, “Tomorrow.” Cara said yesterday that this girl named Abby wanted her to come over to spend the night. She said that she didn’t want to because Abby is kind of a bad person, and she told me some of the disgusting things Abby has done. Cara’s mom told me she had gone over to spend the night at Abby’s house. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it! She is such a jerk. She even told me once that she knew Abby was just using her because Britney (Abby’s best friend) is in Hawaii. Why would you want to spend New Year’s with someone who is using you, when you can spend it with your true best friend? I have no idea what she was thinking, but I know I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. So now I’m going to spend the New Year by myself. I can’t believe this!!! Well I’ll write at 12:30 when it’s the year 2000 so you can see how everything went.
01/01/00: Right now it’s 2:00 in the morning. I am going to tell you how my New Year’s went. Okay, I decided that I wasn’t going to let Cara ruin my night, because I’ll remember this night for the rest of my life. So at 6:00, I started watching MTV. They had lots of bands that performed, and one of my favorite bands, Bush, was there and played The Chemicals Between Us, which is an awesome song. I love the lead singer, Gavin! I have loved him ever since 5th grade. I watched MTV until midnight, and it turned out to be lots of fun. Then it was the millennium all of a sudden. I threw confetti and kissed my cat, Kenzie. It wasn’t the best New Year’s, but it was cool.

Commentary: Why was I such a psycho? When my friend didn’t return my call the first time I should have taken a hint, but apparently that went right over my head. It would have been nice of her to just tell me that she had made other plans instead of avoiding me, but she was probably scared of me by that point. I had such high expectations for any kind of holiday, birthday, etc., so when something didn’t work out the way I had planned, I freaked out. I love how I acted like I was going to go do something really fun and not let my friend ruin my night, but then end up watching MTV by myself and kissing my cat at midnight. Fun fact: I still love the band Bush, and decided to see them in concert earlier this year to live out one of my childhood dreams 🙂

They Were Talking About Y2K —

They Were Talking About Y2K

Jenny Jones

12/29/99: Today Cara came over at about 4:30 and we played Nintendo, talked, and watched TV. Then she wanted me to spend the night at her house. I packed everything I would need, and my dad drove us to Cara’s house. It was about 9:00 p.m. First, she showed me everything she got for Christmas. Then we started talking about the Earth, how it was created, and being a Christian and had lots of questions, so we talked and asked each other questions about that stuff for two hours! Then we watched TV. Afterwards, we played The Game of Life while watching a Disney movie called Return of Jafar. Then we played another board game called Mall Madness while watching Austin Powers 2. It was really late, almost 5:00 in the morning, so we decided to go to bed. In the morning we got up and watched Jenny Jones. They were talking about Y2K and everything that could happen because of it. This one guest on the show spent $1,500 on supplies to get ready for Y2K! Then Cara’s mom drove me home. Now it’s almost 1:00 and I’m probably going to go play Nintendo.

Commentary: Oh wow, I totally forgot about Jenny Jones! I used to love watching her and Ricki Lake. The whole Y2K thing seems so silly now. I remember people thought the world was going to end, and some even built bomb shelters and spent tons of money on food and supplies. There was a fear that computers would stop functioning because they wouldn’t be able to process going from the 20th century into the 21st. I never really believed anything bad was going to happen, but I do remember checking the date on my computer on New Year’s Day. I was somewhat surprised to see that the year was correct and the world hadn’t exploded.

Something Caught My Eye — September 27, 2015

Something Caught My Eye

Notes

12/26/99: Sorry I haven’t written in such a long time. I have kept you hidden away, so I never remember to write because I never see you. Anyway, yesterday was Christmas. On Christmas Eve, my grandma and grandpa Day came over. We ate a huge dinner in the dining room and then opened presents. I got lots of cool things! Then we went to church for the midnight candle service. The Campbell’s were also there. Then on Christmas day, we went to my other grandparents’ house and saw all my relatives. We watched A Christmas Story, ate a big meal, and then opened gifts. That was my Christmas! I’ll fill ya in on other things later.
12/28/99: My day was pretty boring. All I did was clean, and then my brother and I played Nintendo. As I was walking into the kitchen, something caught my eye. My brother left a bag of notes people had written him on the kitchen counter. He had gone to a sleepover, so I decided to read the notes. After I had read them all, I was really shocked!! There were some notes my brother had written, but never gave to anyone. He was really mad in the note I read and was cussing in every sentence almost! I found a few notes like that. Then this one girl wrote that the only reason my brother was going out with this one girl was just to “get some.” Oh my gosh, diary! Did my brother actually ever do it?
I don’t know, and I don’t really want to think about that. He just got involved in a bad group when he was in junior high. In other notes there were more bad things said about him. One girl said how she hates him so much and hopes he dies! I wonder what my brother did to make so many people hate him? Now he goes to church a lot and is trying to be a really good guy. He said he was going to burn all those notes. Anyway, I guess I’ll talk about something else. You won’t be hearing about Erin anymore because about three months ago, she decided she didn’t want to be my friend. I have done everything I can to try and get her to change her mind, but nothing will work. Things have gone really well in my life since I stopped hanging around her. She just lies a lot and is a bad person. Cara invited me to spend the night, but I told her I couldn’t come. This is why – okay, last night I woke up at about 4:00 a.m. and had blood all over the back of my pants from my period! I have been having my period for the last three days, and it has been extremely heavy! I go through about 8-10 pads a day. I was afraid that if I went over to Cara’s house to spend the night, the same thing would happen. Hold on, I really have to change my pad. Okay, much better. Well I’m tired and don’t really have anything else to tell you, so guess I’ll have to talk to ya tomorrow!

Commentary: Ugh, TMI with the period stuff. I actually have a really embarrassing period story, but I probably should keep some things to myself. So I talk about how Erin doesn’t want to me my friend anymore and that I’ve done everything to get her to change her mind, and then in the next sentence I talk about how great my life has been without her and how she’s a bad person? Whaaat. 

We Are Totally a Perfect Match! —

We Are Totally a Perfect Match!

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

11/26/99: Today I had to wake up early and be at school by 8:00. We went downtown for the Santa Claus Parade. I did my color guard routine. When I got home around 1:00 I was really tired, so the rest of the day I lazed around playing computer games and watching TV. Later on, my dad and I went Christmas shopping. Oh and by the way, we were on TV for being in the Santa Claus Parade, so I got to see myself on TV. We got first place and were the grand champions!
11/27/99: Today there was a picture of our band on the front page of the newspaper! Anyway, I had to wake up early again to go to Amanda’s apartment. My whole family went to help her set up. My sister took me out to Panache to eat lunch. At about 5:00, we came home and I watched a movie called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. Then at about 7:00, Liam (the boy I really like) and Andrew came over. They played Nintendo while I watched. Liam talked the entire time and everything he said was funny. By 11:30 p.m., I felt like I had known him my whole life. For some reason, I’m attracted to Liam and don’t even know why, I just really like him. Everything he said tonight was exactly what I had been thinking. We are totally a perfect match! But who am I kidding, he would never go out with me…or would he?

Commentary: No, he would not.

Gobble Gobble! — September 26, 2015

Gobble Gobble!

gobble gobble

11/24/99: Today is the first day of Thanksgiving vacation, so there was no school. All day I lazed around and watched TV. It is 4:13 right now, so I’m going to do some homework and empty the dishwasher like my mom wanted me to do. Since it’s a long four-day weekend, my mom and I will probably go rent some movies. Also, this whole day I’ve thought about if I should be Erin’s friend or not. I’ve decided that I really hate her, and you, diary, are probably sooo annoyed about hearing all this bad stuff about her. I’m going to have a talk with her tonight.
11/25/99: Today is Thanksgiving! I had to wake up early to go to my grandma and grandpa Hitchell’s house. We met all our relatives there and had a huge meal. It was a lot of fun. Then we showed my sister’s apartment to some of my aunts. Afterwards, we went home. I watched a movie on TV and then went to sleep. Gobble gobble!

Commentary: Most of the diary entries that I’ve posted so far bring back good memories and make me laugh, but thinking about having Thanksgiving at my grandparents’ house makes me sad. We had such a great time back then, but now my family doesn’t even get together for Thanksgiving. My grandparents’ house was the main place we gathered for holidays, but ever since my grandpa passed away and the house was sold, I really don’t see my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. anymore. I remember one Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house where we went around in a circle and said one thing that we were thankful for. When it got around to my grandpa he said, “I’m just thankful to still be here.” We didn’t know it then, but that ended up being his last Thanksgiving. Cherish the people you love because they won’t be around forever! 

She Passed Around Rubber Boobs —

She Passed Around Rubber Boobs

HULT center

11/20/99: Today is Erin’s birthday. I was planning on not getting her a present, but my mom wanted me to, so I did. Today was a bad day for me. Erin and I got in a fight, and it’s her b-day! I was home alone, none of my friends were home, and there was nothing good on TV. I was really bored! Anyway, my mom and I went shopping at Target. Oh yeah, I had my doctor’s appointment to see why I had a normal period and all of a sudden it stopped for four months. They didn’t really know, but on February 1st if it still hasn’t started, then I have to get a prescription (estrogen) that will force me to have my periods. Also, they have to check my ovaries to see if anything is wrong with them. Do you know how they will get to my ovaries? Well, guess! That’s why my period better start up again really soon or else I’ll be pissed off. Anyway, we had a person from the HULT education center come to our school on Friday. She talked about breast cancer and how to do a self-examination. She even passed around rubber boobs and we had to feel around for the lumps. It was gross! Also, they showed a video with people self-examinating themselves. I was absolutely disgusted! Well it’s after midnight, so I better get some shut eye!

11/21/99: Great news! Okay, today I had some really bad cramps and had to go to the bathroom. I noticed that I had my period again! I am sooo glad I don’t have to go back to the doctor to get those things done to me. Anyway, today was pretty boring. I did my algebra homework and my dad and I went on the Rock Island Trail. I rode my bike while my dad ran. Then at about 6:00, there was a good movie on TV that I watched. Hasta manana!

Commentary: Ah yes, I definitely remember the rubber boobs. I’m pretty sure the video we watched had more to it than people self-examining themselves. That’s why I was so disgusted, but apparently didn’t feel comfortable writing about everything we saw. Today’s photo is of the HULT Education Center that I mentioned. We  would go there on field trips to learn more about being healthy and how to take care of our bodies. 

I Had a Really Good Day! — September 25, 2015

I Had a Really Good Day!

spaghetti

11/06/99: Today I had a really good day! I didn’t talk to Erin the whole day. First, I woke up, took a shower, and got ready. Then my mom, sister, and I went shopping until about 4:00. When I got home, I cleaned my room up really well. We had spaghetti for dinner, and then at 6:00 I had to babysit my next-door neighbors. I had a really fun time and ended up getting all my homework done. I got home at 11:30 p.m. I babysat for five and a half hours and only got paid $25.00! One time I babysat for only two hours and got $20.00, so they paid me less than I was supposed to get and they were 30 minutes late!
11/16/99: Today I had a pretty good day. I was very busy and had homework in every subject. At 3:00, my mom picked me up from school and I went to a doctor’s appointment. I had my period on a regular basis this summer, and then all of a sudden my periods stopped coming. I have been waiting four months and nothing has happened. The doctor and I talked for an hour! Finally I got to go home (nothing is wrong with me). I did all my homework, took a shower, and am now going to bed.

Commentary: I stopped having my period for four months and the doctor said I was fine? That doesn’t sound normal. 

She Was the One Who Told! —

She Was the One Who Told!

Hollywood Video

11/04/99: Things have been a lot better since I stopped talking to Erin. Today I had a good day at school, except I had to take an extremely hard algebra test. Oh my gosh! You know how I have a crush on Liam? Well today on the bus, my neighbor, Wes (Erin’s brother), said that he heard I had a crush on Liam, so he went up to him and told him! I can’t believe it! I kept on asking Wes who told him that I liked Liam, but he wouldn’t tell me. I’m pretty gosh darn sure it was Erin, so now I’m mad. Somehow I’ll ask Erin if she told Wes that I like Liam. She’s going to be in lots of trouble if she was the one who told!
P.S. – She was the one who told!
11/05/99: Today I had a really good day at school. When I got home, I ended up having a short talk with Erin over the phone. I told her that I really didn’t think we should be friends anymore. That’s when I heard her crying. I really didn’t expect her to! She hung up on me, so I was like, “Okay, fine! Cry all you want and I don’t care!” Afterwards we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut. It was delicious! 🙂 Then my sister and I went to Hollywood Video. When we got home, I watched Psycho with my mom. Now I’m going to read a new book I just started, and then go to sleep.

Commentary: Seems like a fitting time to watch the movie “Psycho” since I was acting like one. 

Everything Bad Is Happening — September 23, 2015

Everything Bad Is Happening

Halloween

10/31/99: Today is Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, but this year I really had a bad time. Oh diary! Everything bad is happening. I’ll tell you everything. I haven’t had my period for more than three months, so my mom says I have to go to the doctor because something is really wrong. Next, Erin and I had planned on going trick-or-treating, but somehow her annoying sister got involved and I was already mad at Erin, so I just ran back to my house right when we started trick-or-treating. Then I started crying and my mom was yelling at me. My emotions were just so abnormal because of this period thing, so I kind of accidentally called my mother a jerk. I got slapped across the face. Everyone thinks I’m crazy because I said I was going to kill myself. Well I would never do such a horrible thing, but I just want attention or someone who cares about me (I think I need a boyfriend)! I just felt so unloved and thought if I did die, nobody would care. I was at the point where I was crying and just couldn’t stop. Now my mom says if Erin calls, comes to the door or anything, I will not be allowed to see or talk to her (she pulled the phone out of my room, too). After all, Erin has basically ruined my life. My mom is going to set an appointment for me to see a psychologist. I don’t think so! How can my mom expect me to go into a room all by myself with a grown up man I don’t know at all and tell him all this personal stuff? It would be impossible for me to do. Then he would just give me some pills, so then I’ll actually be on a medication. Gosh, I can’t even tell my closest friends what is going on, let alone some stupid psychologist! Well now it’s 10:00 p.m. and I still have to worry about doing homework, taking a shower, and going to bed. I bet I’ll be writing a lot more often.

Commentary: Oh yes, I remember this Halloween. Goodness, I don’t even know where to start. I got slapped across the face and probably deserved it. I don’t sound fun to deal with. I’m pretty sure getting a boyfriend wasn’t going to fix anything, and I don’t think anyone would want to date me considering how crazy I was acting. 

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